Memorial Day - a Week Later

Memorial Day Thoughts - The Family Cemetery I’ve Never Visited

            On Memorial Day, I only visited one cemetery - Pixley Cemetery where over 30 relatives are buried. I have a personal connection or have been told a story about almost every grave in that cemetery on the hill with a view overlooking the Arkansas River.

            This year as I loaded flowers, my mother indicated I didn’t need to put out all those floral remembrances. She mentioned “Fairfax Cemetery” and “Riverside Cemetery” as we talked about the burial places of loved ones. She reminded me gently there was no way to "decorate" all of them. Then I began to think of Hickory Grove Cemetery in Delaware County in Eastern Oklahoma.

            My great-grandfather, Walter Smith, a fullblood Cherokee, was buried in the cemetery on land donated by his grandmother, Susannah Spaniard Smith Miller, according to the history of Hickory Grove Cemetery. Great-grandpa Walter spoke Cherokee, English, and Spanish. This week I began thinking of three of his daughters who died young and are buried in the old country, the way my grandpa referred to the area of Eastern Oklahoma where he was born and raised. 

Tombstone of Baby Cherokee Smith

            Darkus, a twelve-year-old sister, greeted my maternal grandpa, Calvin Callcayah Smith, on March 13, 1894, at his birth. A little-four-year old sister, Amanda Alice, welcomed the new baby brother who had large, but beautiful, gentle gray eyes.

            When Grandpa was age three, little Cherokee Smith arrived at the Smith home. Three days later on February 19, 1898, Julia and Walter Smith grieved the death of their tiny daughter. Grandpa never mentioned Baby Cherokee. Only after his death, when looking at the documentation of his enrollment as an original allottee on the Dawes roll, did I learn about her.

            Darkus married Samuel Nichols. Soon she anticipated the birth of their first baby. Sweet Darkus gave birth to little Lewis but once again the Smith family mourned the death of a daughter and sister. Darkus died on April 7, 1901, after giving life to little Lewis. When Death encroached upon the Smith family again, my grandfather was seven years old. I recalled Grandpa mentioning her name but never speaking of her death. My mother's cousin, Elizabeth Purcell Hammer, said her grandparents, Walter and Julia, took little Lewis to live with them.

Tombstone of Darkus Smith Nichols

            A few months shy of Grandpa’s sixteenth birthday, the sister he called “Mandy” died as the result of being thrown from a horse. Grandpa always referred to her as “Mandy.” As I filtered his experience in 1910, I compared it to the shock of a tragic car wreck in our era. What a jolt to Grandpa's young heart! Even though he never told of the circumstances surrounding her accident, I know how challenging that grief journey must have been for Grandpa to say “good-bye” to his twenty-year old sister. 

Tombstone of  Amanda Alice Smith 
whose 129th birthday will be June 9th.

             Even though Grandpa experienced the loss of beloved sisters, he stands stalwart in my memories as one who encouraged, didn't complain, and spoke with words sparingly. I hope to model his example of having a word to uplift instead of tearing down.  I strive daily to stifle my tendency to grumble and complain. Finally, my goal is to live out Proverbs 21:23 by praying Psalm 141:3.

Whoever guards his mouth and tongue 

Keeps his soul from troubles.

Proverbs 21:23

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth;

Keep watch over the door of my lips.

Psalm 141:3

Note about  researching - When going to a cemetery where loved ones are buried, look at the markers or tombstones for clues into the past. Each of these photographs of tombstones from Hickory Grove Cemetery were taken from the site findagrave.com. Findagrave.com is a good option for researching cemeteries where ancestors are buried when travel to those locations is unlikely or impossible.