A Dear Friend Remembered

          Banetha Buchanan and I discovered we had a lot in common during our first conversation when we first met in block classes at Oklahoma State University. This was our "student teaching" semester during the fall of 1977. We both designed our custom-made outfits, usually from double knit, one of the most wearable fabrics. Our love of the rural life immediately formed a bond. But one connection loomed larger than our other shared “likes.” We discovered we had both made life-altering commitments to follow Jesus in our early years.

    Oklahoma State College of Education officials photographed Dr. Troxel, Banetha,
    and me. Banetha and I were in our early 20s. This photograph appeared in the 
    Pawnee Chief on November 3, 1977, to announce our upcoming student teaching
    assignments. Sadly, Dr. Troxel passed away a couple of years ago, too.

Anyone who knows “my collegiate story,” knows I honed my frugality during my years at Stillwater. Yet by the time I met Banetha, I could visualize graduation in May of 1978 as achievable, so spending money for unnecessary expenses was allowable. Most days, if our schedules provided a lunch break, Banetha and I walked to the Student Union, hiked up to 5^th floor, ordered chef salads, and solved the educational problems of the state of Oklahoma. We laughed a bunch, shared hopes and dreams, anticipated our student teaching stint and encouraged each other in our walk with the Lord. 

As I reflected tonight on her death, I suddenly realized at the time we forged a friendship over forty years ago, none of her much-loved children had been born!  It was just she and Calvin. Over the years, we faithfully exchanged Christmas cards. I came to anticipate her “Christmas Letter” each December.

My heart broke for her when Cole was killed. I recall learning of Will’s fatal accident and remember vividly verbalizing my sorrow, concern, and questionings to my mother as we drove home from church on January 1, 2012. My empathy with Banetha’s sorrow so permeated my thoughts, I didn’t even notice the black smoke pouring from Dad's destructive barn fire until I was within a quarter of a mile of my parents’ place.

When my father had his stroke and I assumed the care of Dad’s small herd, my sister encouraged me to become a member of the Oklahoma Cattlemen’s Association. Dad had chosen to align with the Pawnee County Chapter for a couple of reasons. Pawnee was much closer than Pawhuska, even though Pawhuska was his county seat. Also, Dad had built many homes for cattle producers in Pawnee County. The bottom line, he had more friends in the Pawnee Cattlemen’s Association Chapter. Dad was all about his friends. 

Prior to Dad’s stroke, Banetha and I saw each other only at Vacation Bible School trainings annually. Thankfully at Angie’s insistence, I attended each Cattlemen’s event held at Pawnee. Angie would come specifically to care for Dad so I could attend. At the banquet or other event, Banetha and I would pick up just as though we were back on campus in Stillwater preparing to student teach. We always laughed, shared how the Lord had blessed our families and encouraged each other to keep strong in serving Him.

The final few times we visited, even though I tried to downplay it, I realized Banetha’s health had become a challenge. She had a valve replacement surgery that was miraculously cancelled due to the Lord’s divine intervention.

But on November 8, 2018, the last time we spoke, laughed and encouraged each other, it was different. She told me of the impending surgery in January of 2019. Then she looked across the table at me and with her unique, winsome demeanor indicated that she was “fine” with whatever happened. She had those she dearly loved in heaven – her boys, but she had her girls, grandchildren, and Calvin she cherished here on earth. Even though I told her we wanted her to stay here longer, she had reminded of a truth we don’t often face. None of us are promised tomorrow.

In our high-tech world, where we have answers for just about everything, we still do not have the answer for facing death. The scripture says Prepare to meet your God. In John 14, Jesus related to His disciples that His father’s house had many mansions and He was going to prepare a place and explained, “I will come again and receive you…so you may be there, also.”

 When Thomas heard this, the apostle, asked Jesus, “Lord, we do not now where You are going, and how can we know the way?” Jesus gave the most succinct, unequivocal answer when He stated, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

Banetha made that preparation when she was a young girl. She had come to Jesus, trusting His blood sacrifice He gave for her on the cross to forgive her sin. For that reason, I knew when I first read of her death, exactly where she was. Just as Jesus promised, where He is, she is there also. My dear friend would insist every family member, every friend, and every neighbor be assured of that for themselves.

Banetha wrote a beautiful card when Dad died, but the verse she placed in the card stood out. I remember as I turned to the verse in my Bible, I thought, If anyone could give a verse of comfort, it would be Banetha. The verse was Isaiah 41:10:

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you,

 I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

            May those of us who loved her and greatly miss her find comfort in being held in the right hand of a loving God who promises to strengthen and uphold all through this deep valley of grief.