Friendship at Age 96

                On October 17^th, my mother, Bernyce Smith Gates, celebrated her 96^th birthday. Especially when I come in from “town” or church, I rattle off the names of people who asked about her. Since she is such an introvert, it always surprises her. She considered Dad the “outgoing one” who never met a stranger and considered everyone he met his friend.

                Almost all her friends are younger than she and some of them quite a bit younger than her. Pre-COVID-19 era, each Sunday, Mother would stand at her seat in our sanctuary during the fellowship time of our morning worship service as friends of all ages came to greet her with hugs or handshakes. 

                Mother has retained a few of friends for more than seven decades. Two close friends grew up with her in the Bend and attended Belford Grade School, too. Lora Jean and Betty Jo Woods, two sisters, met Mother in their early elementary years. The Smith and Woods families lived life together during the 1930s and early 1940s. (Here is a link to a blog post about the families and some experiences. (https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2016/07/softball-singing-and-skin-tests.html )

                A few years ago, Angie, my sister, hosted a soiree for the three friends at her home in Jenks. Johnnie Alene “Pood” also joined them. She was the youngest of the five girls in the Woods family. They laughed, shared old stories, recalled memories, and laughed some more. Dad enjoyed the conversation, too, since he had worked for Perry Woods, the father of Lora Jean, Betty Jo, and Johnnie Alene. Lora Jean and Betty Jo Woods now live in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. Sadly, Johnnie Alene has died since their memorable afternoon.

Dad, Mother, Lora Jean, "Pood" and Betty Jo.

                June Moore Loyd, a friend Mother met in high school at Burbank in 1941, continues to live in Arkansas. She surprised Mother when she arrived at my parents’ 50^th wedding anniversary. June braved a rainy March morning, driving from Springdale, Arkansas, by herself to celebrate with Mother. As with most of Mother’s friends, June and Mother laughed over and over that afternoon. (A link to an earlier blog post about a fun time shared by June and Mother can be accessed at: https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2014/04/oh-no-he-has-corsage.html  )

Lela, Mother and June laughing
and enjoying my parent's 50th 
wedding in March of 1998

Upon looking at this photo of June, Lela Lieber Stewart and herself from the 50^th wedding anniversary, Mother recalled so many times of staying with Lela at the Lieber home in Burbank in the early 1940s. Lela had an older sister, Betty, and two younger brothers, Clarence and Philip. Mrs. Lieber, Lela’s mother, was categorized as a “stern parent” but Mother found her to be a kind host every time she visited their home.

                One memory of a visit with Lela, her dear friend, centered around a box supper being held in Burbank of which Mother was unaware. (A box supper involved teen girls/women in the community preparing a decorated box containing tasty treats. Interested boys/men bid on the boxes to raise money for various community activities.) Mother found herself relying totally on Mrs. Lieber as she included Mother in the event by preparing her box along with the one for Lela. Mother watched in amazement as Lela’s mother ground bologna and mixed other ingredients that Mother was too shy to question. Normally, Mother said my grandma purchased specific cold cuts for the sandwiches plus luscious fruit for Mother’s box for a Bend box supper. Mother’s eyes widened at the delicious taste when she sampled the flavorful bologna filling for the sandwiches. We tried to duplicate Mrs. Lieber’s sandwich spread unsuccessfully. Just days before Lela’s death, her daughter, Janice, and I visited. I asked her about her grandma’s bologna spread, but she regretted having no recipe for it, either. 

Mother, Lela, Janice, her daughter. Standing in front are Janice's
daughters, Kristen and Nicole at the Burbank High School Reunion
 Reunion in 2008.

               On the eve of turning 96, Mother remembered no-nonsense Mrs. Lieber’s reminder as she, Lela, and Lela’s sister prepared to go out one evening. She said to her teenage daughters, “Girls, remember, you are members of the Baptist church.” Even though Mrs. Lieber hardly left their home, she valued the truth of the Word of God held up by the church. She reinforced to her daughters that the one to whom they had made a commitment should influence their behavior and choices even when having a good time. To this day, Mother recalls the profound admonition of her friend’s mother.

                Mother received an early e-mail birthday greeting from Thelma (Johnson) and J.D. Frank, former Benders who reside in Tulsa. They rode the long bus ride together to Burbank. J.D. is only a couple of years younger than Mother, so they were upper classmen who both strived for excellence in their academic studies. Thelma told me once what a genuine friend Mother was to her when she moved into the Bend. Mother remembered being so concerned about Thelma’s relationship with the Lord. She recalled maybe being “pushy” with her faith. Thelma and J.D. have been married over 70 years, still live in their home, live independently and express thanks to the Lord. Thelma wrote of their friendship “When we were kids in the Bend we never thought of the three of us knowing each other in our 90s.”

                Finally, the most sustaining friendship for 78 years has been her relationship with God because of the sacrificial death of His Son. At age 18, she publicly professed her life-altering faith in Jesus. That friendship influenced her choice to marry my father. The close friendship with God steered her parenting philosophy of my sister and me according to God’s outline in His Word instead of popular societal methods. His friendship supported her through the deaths of her parents within 7 months of each other – quite a grief for an only child. Day by day, the Lord carried her through the lengthy illness leading to Dad’s death. May we all have this eternal friendship that James wrote of in the book bearing his name, in chapter 2, verse 23 –

And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” And he was called the friend of God.

Happiest of Birthdays to You, Mother!