An Extravagant Wedding Does Not a Marriage Make

              The original publishing of this blog post occurred on March 2, 2014. This reposting appears with some editing.

Here’s a stat you may not know. According to the site weddingstats.org, in 2022, the average cost of a wedding in the United States will be around $33,000. The honeymoon is an add-on!

                My parents were married 74 years ago on March 4, 1948. Mother affirmed they had a blessed marriage leading to a happy life of contentment together. Let’s be honest, though. They really didn’t have much of a wedding.
                Mother and Dad had their first “date” when she agreed to meet him at the carnival of the Osage County Fair in Pawhuska. She was still in high school. He was five years older than she was so was already out of school. Dad arrived late. That didn’t stop Mother because she loved amusement rides. So since she had time on her hands, she rode with several other guys who asked her to ride. In one sense that was just fine with Dad. Even though he would later fly twenty-five missions over enemy territory in Europe, he wasn’t as wild about amusement rides as Mother.

                They wrote to each other during his service in World War II beginning in 1941 through 1945. Dad remained in the Air Force Reserves as a technical sergeant. Mother had graduated from high school in 1943, but she refused to marry him as long as he was connected in any way with the military. He fulfilled his commitment in the Air Force Reserves in early 1948.

                Back to the wedding…  Not many things were planned except perhaps their blood tests. They had their blood tests at Dr. Gibson’s office in Ponca City a few weeks prior to their wedding ceremony.
                Clothes were not a major expense nor did selecting them take much time. Dad had help from his sisters Ella and Mary when buying clothes after his discharge in 1945. His sisters helped him buy clothes with his mustering out pay. Actually, his sisters both had quite a sense of style and encouraged him to select a well-made suit. In his mind, why waste a good suit?
                Mother chose a gray with white stripe suit with a matching three-quarter length coat. She spent less than $50 on her three-piece ensemble. She accentuated with a white silk scarf.
                On their way to Tulsa, they swung by Pawnee to see Ernest Rice who was hospitalized at the Pawnee Municipal Hospital. My grandmother, Gladys Smith was staying with him. Grandmother often stayed with sick relatives since she was a trained nurse. Ernest was her brother-in-law, married to her oldest sister Daisy Dean Rainey Rice. Both my parents recalled Ernest congratulating them even though he was ill. Other than Mother’s parents, Ernest Rice was the only one who actually knew they were getting married.
                Planning was not their strong suit in those days. They thought they could get a marriage license in Pawnee at the courthouse. Little did they know until they were told the license must be bought in the county where the wedding ceremony would be performed.
                They put the pedal to the metal and arrived at the Tulsa County Courthouse at 4:55 p.m. Neither of them admitted to running up the courthouse steps. They made it just in the nick of time to get the marriage license for $2.00.
                Dad pulled into a flower shop in Tulsa and ordered a gardenia corsage. They waited while the florist made the corsage for under $5.00. Mother still comments on its wonderful fragrance.
                Dad had thought and planned for Mother’s ring. She had selected it at Drake’s Jewelry Store in Ponca City. It was a wedding set valued at $234 which would be around $2,730 today. Mother’s parents, even her doting father, thought the purchase of Mother’s wedding ring set was extravagant, and the money should have been saved for actually living after the wedding.
                With marriage license in hand, they arrived at Rev. O. W. Webb’s office at his church, Beams of Light Tabernacle on Harvard Avenue in Tulsa to be married. Mother and Dad admired the way Rev. Webb provided for a group of around ten children in a beautifully furnished home. In fact, my parents financially supported this children's home. 

                My parents had given no thought to the need for witnesses. One of the witnesses was the pastor’s secretary. A service was to be held that evening. So the other witness appeared to be someone who arrived a little early for church. Boy! Was that person in for a surprise when grabbed to act as a witness for a wedding in the pastor’s study!
                Dad did have reservations at the Mayo Hotel in Tulsa for their wedding night. Mother allowed Dad to plan the honeymoon. He planned for them to go to Dallas. Much to Mother’s horror now, Dad saw no problem with dropping by his sister Ella’s home unannounced and getting to stay a free night with her and Harry, her husband.
                The next day they drove to Dallas arriving after dark. Dad had so wanted them to stay at the Baker Hotel, but no GPS in 1948, and he was unable to locate it. They found cottages to rent for the night, checked in, and were taken to to their cottage. Mother wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth, but she deemed the room to be unsafe and unsatisfactory since there was no way to lock the door. To no one’s surprise, Dad didn’t get his money returned. Finally, Mother and Dad checked into Hotel Jefferson a little before midnight and stayed the duration of their honeymoon there.

                Back to the wedding…It really wasn’t much of a wedding – no fancy clothes, a mere corsage for flowers, no music, no guests, no photographer. But wow! Most people who knew them agreed they had a fantastic marriage of mutual respect, built on an unshakeable faith in the Lord enabling them to have strong trust in each other. Their advice…Don’t save up for the wedding, instead invest all you have – emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally - in the marriage. The returns are limitless.

This is considered my parents' wedding portrait.

It was taken on March 4, 1951, their third

wedding anniversary. When my sister and I

asked about their wedding pictures, they pointed

to this one.

My parents posing for their 50th wedding

anniversary portrait by Jerry James.

Bernyce and Edmund Gates, Jr.
for their 60th wedding anniversary.
 The portrait was taken by Shontel. 

The Wedding Disaster

February 26 will be the 111th wedding anniversary of Daisy Dean Rainey and  Ernest E. Rice. The wedding day was a bit shaky, but the marriage proved to be solid as a rock. What a model for young men and young women of today determining to enter into the covenant of marital commitment!

                According to the United States Census Records of 1910, my great grandparents, William Marion and Mary Rosetta Rainey were living in Konawa, Oklahoma. They had six children ranging in age from 6  to 16 years. Daisy Dean was the oldest.

                 Daisy, my grandmother’s oldest sister, often recalled, when visiting with us, the good days when growing up in Konawa. She took piano lessons while the family lived in Seminole County in the early days of Oklahoma. Aunt Daisy spoke wistfully about the enjoyment of attending high school as a teenager in 1910.

                Then her father, William Marion Rainey, became enamored with moving the family north. After seeing railroad cars loaded with corn on a trip to the areas inhabited by the Osage and Pawnee Indian Nations, Bill Rainey knew that part of the new state must be the promise land for his family.

                Rosa, his wife, interpreted the corn-ladened rail cars as a negative sign about these northern counties. She asked, “Bill, why are they shipping corn into good farming land?”

                He spouted his typical response, “Rosie, you’re a good worker but no manager.” The Rainey family had relocated to Pawnee County by 1911.

                Aunt Daisy lamented this move as long as I knew her. She regretted leaving that area of the new state of Oklahoma. Aunt Daisy always reminisced sorrowfully to her sister, Gladys, how those who bought their homestead near Konawa struck oil! My grandma, Gladys Rainey Smith, usually brushed off her big sister’s remorse over black gold.

                Even though Bill Rainey convinced Rosie to move north, much to Daisy’s dismay, not all was lost. On February 26, 1911, seventeen- year -old Daisy pledged her lifelong devotion to the young man who had stolen her heart, Ernest Rice. (Ironically, on the same 1910 census page as the Rainey family entry was the record for Jim and Minnie Rice and his brother, Ernest who also lived in the Konawa area. Ernest was 22 years of age.) The newlyweds celebrated their wedding in Pawnee County, Oklahoma, at her parents’ home.

Wedding Portrait of Ernest and Daisy Rice - original photograph at 
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/16367036/ernest-emel-rice

Her mother planned the best festive dinner she could for her oldest daughter’s marriage. The table was set, delicious food had been prepared, and all was ready for a joyful time. Then a nightmare for Daisy and her mother began to develop.

According to Daisy’s ten-year-old sister, Gladys, their beloved father convinced the groom and several of the young and old men in attendance to imbibe some type of alcohol. They actually drank enough to be staggering and quite inebriated. Grandma said her mother and Daisy were distraught and crying. The women at the wedding celebration were appalled at the men’s behavior on this memorable occasion. Typical of Bill Rainey, he tried to smooth it over with lightheartedness. That approach didn’t work well.

Despite the rocky beginning, young Daisy and Ernest settled into a partnership of hard work and love. Within a year or so, they moved across the Arkansas River to the Big Bend in southwest Osage County. Aunt Daisy never forgot how hard she and Ernest worked to clear “the 80.” This parcel of land was an 80-acre lease where the two of them toiled with backbreaking labor to meet the requirements of the lease. She recalled how she tied canvas on her feet to work with the man she loved to accomplish a near impossibility for only two – one a teenager and the other in his middle twenties. Daisy and Ernest, even though young, understood marriage to be a commitment to each other, no matter how hard or challenging the road became.

The thirty-eight years they shared before his death seemed all too brief for Daisy. Even though she went on to live almost 30 years without him, I sensed she felt incomplete without the man who provided strength, stability, and protection for her. Every couple could benefit from following the example of Daisy and Ernest Rice and in turn, our families, our communities, and our nation would be stronger.

The original retelling of the Rainey/Rice wedding was published in February of 2016.

A Special Aunt Born on Valentine's Day

      Valentine's Day this year will mark 120 years since the birth of my maternal grandmother's sister, Alice, born 18 months after Grandma. My mother dearly loved Alice and spent countless hours working and having fun with her aunt. Even at 97, Mother recalls precious times they had together (This originally posted on February 9, 2014).

    On February 14, 1902, in Sacred Heart, Oklahoma Territory, Alice Vertle Rainey was born to Mary Rosetta and William Marion Rainey. She already had two older sisters, Daisy Dean and Gladys Vivian along with one older brother, Lewis Elbert, and one deceased sister, Della.

      When just a young child, Alice contracted measles, and complications from this disease caused a permanent visual impairment and skin irregularities. Seemingly, even though she could read large print and could write with larger letters, her education was limited due to her limited vision.

Left to right - Emma Maryann Rainey, Eugene Robert Rainey, & Alice Vertle Rainey. In the
forefront is Ethel Robinson, a family friend. (Thanks to Lou Brock for restoring this photograph.)

      This didn’t stop Alice from being a terrific cook, good housekeeper, and quite handy with the outdoor chores. One family story associated with her scrumptious cream pies involved her younger brother Gene. Alice had made a couple of cream pies anticipating “company” coming for Sunday dinner. To her chagrin, she set them out to cool, went for a visit, and returned to find her generous brother had taken them and shared with neighbors. She had a few choice words for him.

      Alice loved a good laugh, joking, and teasing, but as the above recollection reveals, she had the quick temper and tongue known to be present in the Rainey DNA! During an incredibly bitter cold snap, she was milking a cow, shivering in the frigid temperature and battling the howling wind when her father, a known prankster and joker, advised off-handedly to her, “Why don’t you get behind that barbed wire fence to warm up?”  No disrespect was intended, but Alice retorted to him using words that women in the early 20^th century were never to use.

Alice Rainey in her teens.

       William Marion Rainey died in August of 1931. My grandma and Alice were impacted by the death of their beloved father. Perhaps for the first time, the two of them faced their own mortality. Because of this, they were both converted under Brother Stalling’s preaching at the Belford Sunday School in September of that same year and then were baptized. The word converted in that day and time meant that Alice and Gladys, my maternal grandmother, recognized they were sinners on a wrong path and asked Jesus to convert or change their lives enabling them to walk in His way.
       Alice’s youngest sister, Emma became a young widow and was alone without her adoring husband, facing providing for herself. She accepted a position of responsibility in the Government Printing Office in Washington, D. C. Emma had many suitors from bankers to railroad conductors to other men of prominence from many walks of life. Alice took great delight in teasing her sophisticated sister about these high-class, big city men.
        Alice died on July 8, 1951, in the Pawnee Hospital following a diagnosis of stomach cancer. Mother recalls the void her death left in the Rainey family, especially for her grandmother, Rosa, age 81, with whom Alice had lived all her life.
        I have heard from family members who knew and loved Alice how spirited and fun loving she was. She loved children, and they responded to her. My mother spent much time with her and never heard her complain about her blindness or use it as an excuse for being unable to attempt and accomplish a task. Over sixty years ago, Alice died before reaching the age of 50. Yet her life stands as a life to be patterned, with an absence of grumbling but a commitment to bring happiness and love to others.
        Valentine’s Day, Alice’s birthday, is all about love and giving love to others. Alice Vertle Rainey stands as a “Sweetheart” of expressing love, never seeking to receive love in return, but just loving others with all her heart.

Alice Rainey visiting with Edmund Gates, Jr. in the yard of the
Rainey home.

Ironically, Comparison Can Stiffen One's Resolve

Dad while in basic training at Sheppard Field in Wichita
Falls, Texas, from late 1941 until April of 1942.

          As I anticipated the most recent winter storm, the forecast gave hope it would only last three-four days with its wintery precipitation and subfreezing temperatures. Relativity and comparison played a role in my hope. Since last February of 2021, I compare all weather to that record-breaking lengthy streak of bitterly cold temperatures.

 My father, Edmund Gates, Jr., often compared what he was experiencing with much more challenging times earlier in his life. When this came to mind, I pulled his World War II military memoirs from the shelf. In Okie Over Europe, I turned to the second chapter and began reading of his basic training at Sheppard Field north of Wichita Falls, Texas. My eyes fell on these words capturing his experiences 80 years, ago.

The only marching he did was twice a day to “chow” in step with the cadence that he heard as he marched. Sheppard Field, a new base in 1942, was quite undeveloped; this made the predawn marching from the barracks to the chow hall for breakfast difficult over the rough terrain. It went from bad to worse in rainy weather when the ground became quite slick and muddy, creating a miry challenge for Dad and the other young recruits.

Often, he saw masses of ground troops training on a separate forty acres of the base. These army recruits dressed in fatigues appeared to Dad like a huge, gray lethargic creature moving across the landscape as they marched. This was just another reason for Dad to applaud himself for choosing the relatively new army air force.

Calisthenics were required daily. Dad considered it a “snap” for a farm boy acquainted with a rigorously demanding work regimen. At home on the farm, he had worked from daylight to dark seldom taking a day off. His day had begun milking cows, working hard all day usually in the field, and climaxed the day milking the same six to eight cows. It was during basic training that Dad learned what the phrase “time off” meant. He could just relax on his bunk when not involved in training. He had not done much of that at home on the farm.

Dad had very little KP duty or kitchen police duty during his military stint. He did have one experience of being caught dousing a large basket of flatware in a sink full of water. He had assessed and decided this was the most time-efficient method of washing them. After all, with two older sisters and three younger sisters, he had no experience at home with the correct method of doing chores like this. Dad was told by the sergeant in charge of the kitchen, “Soldier, get around here and wash them one at a time. We’re in for the duration. What’s your hurry?” The only KP duty he was assigned during his entire military career was a couple of weeks while at Sheppard Field north of Wichita Falls, Texas.

It brings a smile to my face as I recall Dad being the only veteran I knew who characterized his basic training as a “vacation.” When he compared his experience on the farm, the requirements in the military paled. Often, this approach of comparing the demands of a present challenge with a past one gave him courage and strength. This week, Dad’s practice of diminishing the difficulty of a present incident by comparing it with the past memory of a much more trial-ladened occurrence stiffened my resolve during the cold weather. It certainly provided some emotional and mental comfort and strength when I practiced Dad’s method this week.

Paul wrote of comparisons in Romans 8:18. He compared sufferings to the future glory awaiting believers with these inspired words. 

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

Here on earth, others viewing our difficulties frequently give glory to God. What more could a believer desire! May our meditation on this verse bolster our strength and courage no matter what we face.