A Way to Relax

          July was often our month to schedule a family vacation in Branson . Mother, Dad, Angie, Ben and I set aside that time to be together. The picture below reminded me of Dad finding a way to relax much like he did on the farm in the Bend in Oklahoma but he was on vacation!

Dad on the back balcony while on vacation.

          Even on vacation, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when enjoying fresh air on the second-story balcony outside he and Mother’s sleeping quarters, he spotted a purple martin house. Dad would get ready for whatever Branson show or activity we were attending and slip out the sliding door onto their back balcony and as he would say, “I let my mind roll back” to the early 1940s when Nazi-occupied Europe was filled with fighter planes and bombers.

The purple martin house as seen
from our condo in Branson.

He relaxed by watching purple martins. One of the favorite antics of the purple martins was their diving maneuvers. He said the speed of the dives reminded him of the fighter planes that accompanied their combat missions over Europe in World War II.  He had watched P-51s and the P-47s during the last half of his missions “keep” the enemy fighters off their B-17 flying fortress as Dad manned his twin-50s. Maybe “martin watching” served as therapy for him.

          Dad erected at least three purple martin houses, two near the large garden plot he cultivated and planted every spring. Purple martins who are characterized as gregarious by field guides intrigued Dad. He worked diligently to attract the social birds to the pink farmhouse season after season. He faithfully cleaned the houses after they migrated in the fall and then in late winter lowered each of the houses equipped with a pulley and double-checked that the houses were ready for the returning martins to set up housekeeping.

Dad's first purple martin house at the 
farm in the Bend.

Dad’s place was an old rusty folding chair on the south edge of the once-used garden plot on the farm. The chair was used almost exclusively for watching the purple martins. Whether it was relaxing, therapeutic, or just enjoyable, in his later years, he spent around an hour a day watching the purple martins.

Jesus recommended bird watching. He spoke these words in Matthew 6:26: Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Jesus commanded his followers to gaze at the birds and study them. As a result, his disciples observed and recognized all the birds needed was provided for them by our heavenly Father.

          Later in the chapter, Jesus continued in verses 32-33 with these powerful verses for living life. …For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you. Jesus affirmed His heavenly Father knew everything needed by His learners. Then Jesus commanded them and us to seek (go after, pursue) the kingdom of God and His righteousness. 

        The Apostle Paul addressed how to acquire the righteousness that Jesus required in his letter to the Philippian believers in chapter 3, verses 8-9.  …I count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith.

        No more than the birds of the air can meet their own needs can we provide our own righteousness to solve our sin problem (Paul even alluded that our own efforts at being good compared to trash!). Paul clarified succinctly that righteousness that enables us to live a life honoring God by making us right with God can only come through Jesus by faith in Him. So as we see and hear the summer birds, let’s remember what Jesus told us to learn from them and have our lives enriched just like Dad did.

Marking the Centennial of My Grandparents' Marriage

Grandpa Calvin Callcayah Smith
around the time of his marriage.  

        Today, July 23, marks the 100th wedding anniversary of my maternal grandparents, Gladys Vivian Rainey and Calvin Callcayah Smith. They were married in Pawnee, Oklahoma, in a civil ceremony. Grandpa was 29 years of age and listed Fairfax as his residence. and Grandma gave Ralston as her home and was not quite 23 years old. Mother recognized neither name of their witnesses.

Gladys Vivian Rainey

around the time of her

marriage.

 Never was either grandparent definitive about how they met. Grandpa “migrated” west from Delaware County, in the "old country" as he referred to it, to live with his relative, Jack Miller, who lived in the Big Bend. Miller and his family arrived in the community earlier from the Cherokee Nation in Eastern Oklahoma.

       

       Grandpa descended from a great-grandma who was a survivor of the Cherokee Trail of Tears. His father spoke English, Spanish, and his first language, Cherokee. Whereas Grandma’s father, sporting auburn hair, a flair for having fun, a penchant for horse racing, and dancing a lively Irish jig, identified proudly with his Irish background. Anthropologists have speculated that Native Americans and Irish shared similar cultural rituals that possibly subliminally encouraged intermarriage in past history.

      

      Grandpa had lived in Kaw City and worked as a carpenter in the oil boom when derricks were constructed of wood. He also played baseball in Fairfax. Mr. Ruben Hopper, a friend of his from Delaware County who moved to Sunny Slope east of Ralston, Oklahoma, around the same time, delighted in asking me whether I had seen Grandpa “fan” the batters. Mr. Hopper would continue in our conversation to extol Grandpa’s baseball pitching ability.

       Grandma’s family moved to Osage County, settling in the Big Bend community in 1912. However, during 1923, she lived primarily in Fairfax, at the Fairfax Hospital that was located on South Fourth Street, where she trained as a nurse. In those days, nurses in training lived on site and “learned by doing.” 

       I have deduced that since they were “mum” on the subject of their first meeting and their courtship, they must have primarily encountered each other at the community dances held in Benders’ homes. They stopped going to dances when my mother, as a preschooler, “put up a howl” anytime they went to a dance. (Even though Mother remembers many things from her earliest years, she remembers crying but doesn’t recall why she cried when they attended the dances.) After their spiritual conversions, neither of them attended community dances again. They indicated trouble often occurred at the dances, including drinking, jealousy, and fighting.

        Their differences usually loomed large in my grandparents’ marital relationship. Grandma had a feisty personality, which could morph into a fiery temper. (See a blog posting about her temper in https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2016/01/grandmas-temper-and-turkey.html). Whereas Grandpa seldom expressed anger or displeasure unless pushed to his breaking point, which remained at a high threshold.

        Grandma had enough words for both of them. My mother, my sister, and I recount how little we exchanged words with Grandpa on some days. For whatever reason, he limited his verbal interaction. Some people indicated Grandpa was less verbal because of his Cherokee heritage. Yet, those who knew him best would vouch that he loved a good laugh and enjoyed spirited conversation.

        Bottom line, Grandma was an over-achiever – whether in ornamental gardening, sewing, cooking, preparing for Sunday School or Vacation Bible School. She didn’t have an ounce of slothfulness in her being. She pushed herself to unheard of limits. Grandpa worked but enjoyed hunting or fishing or just sitting under a shade tree. Many times, I have seen him walking to the pond with his fishing rod in one hand and his tackle box in the other. His insistence on engaging in work and leisure activities, in almost a steady rhythm between the two, seemed to lead to a calm serenity.

Grandma and Grandpa in the 1970s. Grandma designed and
crafted her dress.

The initial relationship and marriage of my grandparents illustrates a classical paradox. Opposites attract, but daily living magnifies differences that frequently result in couples experiencing hostile interactions that eventually drive them apart. The marked difference in my grandparents’ personalities could have easily been categorized as “irreconcilable differences.” Had they not made commitments to Christ, I think the variances may have presented an insurmountable obstacle to remaining married. Without the common bond of their love of the Lord, His Word, and service to Him in the church, it seems apparent that their relationship would have been doomed. 

        On this centennial anniversary of their wedding, I give thanks to God for graciously entering the lives of my grandparents in the early years following the exchange of their vows and solidifying a marriage that provided a home for my mother to flourish and grow. I am grateful for how the godly influence of their individual personalities with their unique giftedness affected the lives of my sister and me. May we never forget the impact we can have on future generations by how we live our lives today.

Afterthought - Numerous times this summer I have heard comments and read articles and statistics that all boil down to one line of thinking, "It's too expensive to get married. We are saving up." So I thought I'd do a bit of research. I discovered in Oklahoma a license costs $50 but if the couple completes at least 4 hours of state-approved pre-marital counseling the fee is reduced to $5. It seems someone needs to set the record straight. It isn't the marriage that is expensive. The couples are referring to the cost of a wedding which in Oklahoma was around $16,000 in 2022. I cannot think of one couple about whom I have written in Faith_Family_Farm blog that didn't realize the more important of the two was the marriage not the wedding. Most of these couples were able to celebrate at least 50 years of marriage to each other. 

Three Freds and Three Eds

As the Gates Reunion approaches, Eddie Serriere came to mind. He loved the reunions. I found it hard to believe this month marks 25 years since his death. Even though Eddie and Dad were second cousins, it always seemed the relationship was closer.

The Territorial Adventures of Ed and Fred

            Edmund Sr., age 30, and Fred Serriere, age 20, prospected for a place to settle by following the railroad from Kansas into Indian Territory and Oklahoma Territory in early 1907. On November 16, 1907, these two territories – Indian and Oklahoma- joined to become the 46^th state in the Union.
            Edmund, Sr. and Fred were first cousins. Edmund, Sr.’s mother Elizabeth and Fred’s mother Amanda were sisters. Fred and Ed had gotten close since Fred was living with Edmund, Sr.’s family because Fred’s father had failed to provide for him as well as being abusive and “kicking him around.” 
            Ed and Fred traveled in a covered wagon from Crawford County in Kansas.  They were looking for new land. Edmund and Fred were amazed to see the corn piled as high as it could be scooped at the railway stations. Seemingly the corn harvest for that year exceeded the amount the railroad cars could hold at the stations in Remington, Fairfax, Ralston,  Skedee, and the others all the way south as far as Chandler. Near Fairfax, they camped close to the railroad track located in the vicinity of the Robertson Addition.
           Fred shot craps winning as much as $1.50 some nights. Fred’s winnings financed their trip, but he was sometimes forced to fight his way out of a game! After reaching Chandler, they retraced their journey back to Kansas. Needless to say, both adventurers had tales to tell of the territories south of Kansas.

Fred Serriere, age 73, and Edmund
Gates, Sr., age 83, in 1960.

Three Freds and Three Eds

            Fred Serriere and Edmund Gates, Sr. married and had their children.  Their families enjoyed spending time visiting each other. Edmund, Sr. settled in the Big Bend rural community west of Ralston. The Serriere family lived in Blackwell, Oklahoma, with Fred working at the smelter there.  Since Fred Serriere’s family lived in town, they delighted in coming to the farm. The Gates family looked forward with anticipation to their visits.

When the two families got together, the comment was always made, “We have three Eds and three Freds.”

Edmund, Sr. named his second son after himself – Edmund, Jr. His next son was named Frederick Daniel. His siblings referred to him affectionately as Freddie. So the Ed Gates family had two Eds and one Fred.

Early school snapshot of Frederick and 
Edmund, Jr. on the Woodland School playground
with the slide in the background. This was the
Woodland School on the west side of the Bend.
Photo taken in 1926-1927.

Fred and his wife Sarah named their second son Lawrence Fredrick. A vintage picture sent to Mamie, the wife of Edmund, Sr., from Sarah in 1911, identifies Lawrence Fredrick as Freddie. The photograph shows their youngest son, James Edward as just a baby. He was always called Eddie by family members. The Serriere family had two Freds and one Ed.

George, James Edward "Eddie", and Lawrence Fredrick "Freddie" Serriere.

It is sadly ironic that Freddie Gates and Freddie Serriere did not reach their twentieth birthdays. My father’s brother was struck and killed by lightning on his fourteenth birthday. Freddie Serriere died as the result of a car crash at age seventeen.

My father remained close to Eddie Serriere until Eddie’s death in 1998. They both shared the love of spinning family yarns, and whenever they got to visit each other, they did just that. 

Eddie Serriere and Edmund Gates, Jr. at the 1993 Gates Family Reunion.

Lou Dixon Gates Soon to Join the Nonagenarian Club of the Bend

             My aunt, Lou Dixon Gates, was born 90 years ago this week on July 13. She was welcomed by her sister, Boots, age 5 and her brother, George, almost 2 years old.

Even though Lou was the baby of the family, she didn’t fit the stereotypical description of the last born in a family. She laughingly told me Boots always had more important things to do and argued the case that she just couldn't do chores.

When she and George were in high school, they lived north of Burbank. George insisted Lou must help him do the chores. So she walked from school to their home, helped George with the chores, and walked back for her basketball team’s practice. Lou wondered to me why an older brother needed a younger sister’s help, yet as she and George aged, her love for him deepened and his death was a great loss to her in 2021.

Lou, as a newlywed

          One night in 1948, Lou and George arrived in Fairfax at Jump’s, a roller-skating rink converted on the weekend to a dance floor. Lou, age 15, met Jim Gates who had driven for the first time the new Gates family vehicle, a black pickup, from the Bend with his sidekick, Ralph Dooley. George, age 17, was more than happy to give consent for Jim to take his kid sister home to Burbank.

It had rained. Lou did not want any trouble when he dropped her off at their home north of Burbank. She insisted Jim let her out before he tried to cross the creek up to their house. Getting a pickup stuck after dark in the muddy creek would not have made a good first impression. She did not want to risk having to wake up her dad and make him get out of bed to pull the 1948 pickup out of the muddy creek. Instead, Lou hopped out of the new black pickup and easily found the stones so she could successfully cross the creek on foot.

Jim and Lou remembered Brice and Ralph Dooley serving as the main callers at Jump’s during the square dancing.  How frequently they heard, “Bird Hopped In, Crow Hopped Out!” They socialized with Ann Christensen, Lou’s best friend, who dated Forrest “Frosty” Goad, one of Jim’s dear friends from the Big Bend. They got acquainted with Eva Mae Garner and her date, Bunk Pease. Of course, Jim’s older brother, Herb, and his girlfriend, Billie Dooley, “ran” with them, too.

Jim and Lou spent many fun nights at Jump’s Roller Inn. Lou loved to skate on Wednesday nights. Then they danced on Saturday nights. Lou described them as “fun dance parties.”

Verna Lou and Vera Lee Christy had taught Jim to dance at the house dances in the Big Bend. Vera Lee would later marry Jim’s friend, Ralph Dooley. Lou recalled Jim teaching her to square dance. Lou taught her brother, George, the two-step. George was so much taller than Lou that she had to adjust her instruction to compensate for the height difference!

Through her love and commitment to the sport of basketball, she met Ann Christensen Goad at Burbank High School in 1950. They shared a love of playing basketball and soon found they had other interests in common. They became lifelong best friends. (On the topic of basketball – Lou has grandchildren who have excelled on the court with the round ball. Recently, a local Woodland fan told how enjoyable it is to watch one of Lou’s great-grandsons play.)

            Lou composed a poem on friendship that depicts that these two kindred spirits shared a common bond that held them together through marriages, bearing four children each, reaching their career goals, and supporting each other amidst sorrow and illness. Even though Ann died ten years ago, Lou continues to miss that cherished friendship. Lou’s poem may be accessed at https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2015/08/lou-gates-on-friendship.html

Lou’s family moved to Ponca City, she graduated from Ponca City High School and began working at Continental as a key punch. By December of 1951, Jim had joined the air force and was stationed at Sheppard Field in Wichita Falls, Texas. They decided to get married that December. They didn’t have a car, but Jim had friends.

Alph Dooley drove Jim to Ponca City to get a blood test. They arrived at the Kay County Courthouse in Newkirk, Oklahoma. The county clerk’s office was closed since it was Saturday. Thankfully, Jim had chosen to wear his uniform for his wedding day. The court clerk happened to be there and glimpsed the profile of Jim’s military hat outside the door window. She told him she wouldn’t have opened the door and issued a marriage license except for the patriotic chord that his hat struck in her heart. The court clerk indicated he needed to be 21 years old to get married. She asked, “Are you 21?” He replied in the affirmative. After all, he would be 21 in January. 

They were then married by the justice of the peace in Newkirk, on December 22, 1951. Of course, they needed two witnesses. Alph was one. The justice of the peace stepped out the door and pulled a man from the street!

Lou wore a blue dress with navy shoes. Jim, of course, chose to get married in his air force uniform. They had no flowers. Not even one photograph memorialized the day. As with many weddings in the mid-20^th century, the wedding itself was a “low-budget” affair.

They did have wedding rings. Earlier in the year, Jim had been gambling. He won enough to buy a wedding ring set for Lou from Drake’s in Ponca City. He gave Herb, his brother, a sizable amount to buy his new wife, Billie, a set of wedding rings, too.  Lou bought a wedding band for $19.95 for Jim – paying for it by making payments from her paycheck that she earned at Continental.

Following the wedding, Jim and Lou spent the rest of the weekend in the Bend with Jim’s brother and his wife, Herb and Billie Dooley Gates. Then Jim returned to Sheppard Field. Lou remained at her job at Continental and lived with her parents. That love story and marriage lasted 65 years until Jim’s death.

By April of 1952, they decided they wanted to be together – no matter how challenging it might be. With a suitcase of towels and their clothes, they began.

Jim was stationed at Rapid City, South Dakota. The base was located 12 miles outside of Rapid City. But alas, there was no base housing.

The two newlyweds secured a room to rent from a sweet couple, Bill and Evelyn. Their home was situated about six blocks from downtown. Lou and Jim rented the room for $35 per month. Since they had no kitchen or even a hot plate, for a while, they walked the six blocks to a restaurant downtown to eat and then the six blocks back to their room.

Soon Bill and Evelyn recognized Jim and Lou as an honest, responsible couple and gave them “kitchen privileges” for an additional $5 each month. Evelyn did their laundry and even began ironing their clothes. Soon Evelyn was preparing meals and inviting this transplanted duo to join them.  As Jim recalled, this kind couple really took Lou and him in and treated them like family.

For transportation, Jim found another airman stationed at the base and rode with him, furnishing gas money. Lou was employed by Buckingham Trucking as a key punch operator (data entry). She used the Rapid City bus system to commute to work.

 One definitive event in January 1954 marked a turning point, impacting the rest of their lives and all of their descendants. They had moved back to the Big Bend after Jim's stint in the air force. Lou recalled living in a little house they rented from Reid Morris. Their older daughter, Claudia, was less than a year old.

  Lou said that they knew people from the Big Bend Baptist Church were praying for them. The pastor, Ray T. Hart, and Jess Dittmar came to visit them. The two men took their Bibles and showed Jim and Lou the way of salvation to be assured of a place in heaven. While Bro. Hart talked with Jim, Bro. Dittmar explained to Lou that a person must believe that Jesus is God's Son and came to earth to die for her sins but rose from the dead. He turned to Romans 10:9-10 which says:

If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

             That January day, both Jim and Lou confessed Jesus as Lord, asking Him to forgive their sins, and committed their lives to follow Him.

Through the years, Lou and Jim kept their grandchildren for the week of Vacation Bible School so they could attend with Lou when she helped each summer. Lou always had the week so well planned that it appeared to run smoothly with all of them having a good time while learning about Jesus.

          Many of their grandchildren and great grandchildren have had their Falls Creek camp entry fees paid by Jim and Lou. Much like my grandma, Gladys Rainey Smith, Lou has a book documenting the salvation of each of their descendants. Lou treasures that as much as any of the keepsakes in her home.

          Lou mused that it was no happenstance that she and Jim settled in the Big Bend, but it was part of God's plan for them to hear the truth of God's Word. As Jim and Lou finished retelling their conversion story, they expressed deep gratitude for the persevering prayers of the people in the Bend that brought them into a right relationship with God.

 Lou is joining other Benders in the local Nonagenarian Club which I think has four members. She lives in the Bend on the farm on the Arkansas River where her husband was born. Blessings to you, Lou, on reaching this 90th milestone.

90 Years

32,850 Days

78,400 Hours

47,204,000 Minutes

1 Blessed Life

Happy, Happy Birthday, Aunt Lou!

Fourth of July Memories of Yesteryear

 Ball Diamond Hill is located about a mile and a half west of Mother’s place. Later the Big Bend Baptist Church was located nearer Big Bend Road just south of Ball Diamond Hill. Baseball games were held regularly on Sunday afternoons during the summers throughout the first half of the 20^th century. Otis Goad’s descendants have said their grandfather earned his nickname, Babe, during games when he swung the bat like the icon of those days, Babe Ruth, the Yankee slugger.

                Fourth of July celebrations in the Big Bend were held on Ball Diamond Hill. Edmund Gates, Jr., my father, anticipated that summer holiday. Until Dad was in his latter teen years, his family worked seven days each week. Dad always liked Independence Day. Without fail, Dad loudly whooped early, “Hurrah for the 4^th” every year. July 4th reminded him of the one holiday that Grandpa Gates observed, allowing the kids a day off from the summer field work. Grandpa originated the loud proclamation of “Hurrah for the 4^th!”

I am indebted to Roger Noble, her grandson,
for this beautiful portrait of Mrs. Mayse.
 Roger was only 6 years old when his beloved
 grandmother died. 

                After fully awakening us each Independence Day, Dad recalled his neighbor, Mrs. Mayes. She owned a place southwest of the Gates farm. Ida Mae Rogers was born on October 18, 1882. Her father, Thomas J. Rogers, had been born thirty years earlier in Ireland. Her mother, Lillie A. Captain Rogers, had been born in 1864. Lillie’s father, Augustus “Ogeese” Captain, a highly revered Osage had died in 1877. Little Ida was born to her mother just a month before Lillie turned 18 years old. When the little one was only 18 months old, the unthinkable occurred -  her mother died.

                My father did not know the sad background of his neighbor that he knew as Mrs. Mayse. My father, as a kid, only knew Mrs. Mayse made Independence Day one of the most fun-filled, special days of the year. Dad remembered that Mrs. Mayse bought 100 bottles of pop and furnished the ice.  A tank was filled with ice and the pop was put in the icy tank.  Everyone else was so poor and no one had any money but her.  Dad recollected the entertainment involved terrapin races but mainly the baseball game.

                During the Great Depression, Mrs. Mayse and her family were one of the few Osage families living on their original land allotment in the Bend. Congress had passed the Osage Allotment Act in 1906, that changed the tribal ownership of their land to individual ownership by Osage allottees. In 1907, Principal Chief Peter Bigheart negotiated retention of mineral rights for the Osage Nation. This resulted in quarterly payments to the allottees when the Oil Boom came to the Osage.

                Mrs. Mayse shared big-heartedly and graciously with her neighbors not only on Independence Day but gave readily to any worthy cause in her community. Dad always commented on her kindness to him and his siblings. As I reflected on her sharing lavishly with the little ones in the Gates family, I recalled Paul’s advise to the young pastor, Timothy, as he ministered to early-day Christians who had been blessed materially. This verse from I Timothy 6:18 seemed so appropriate to describe Mrs. Mayse’s lifestyle.

They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share.

Roger shared this family photo of Bennett Noble, his father, and George Noble,
his uncle, with his grandmother, Mrs. Mayse standing behind her sons.

Pictured below are Ann and Alex Noble, as I remember them when I rode the Bend bus as a first grader. I was in awe of this high school junior and sophomore.

They were both children of George Noble. Photos from my first yearbook.

                                                                      

After reading this post, Roger Noble, Mrs. Mayse's grandson, recalled innumerable times he spent with his grandmother. His father worried about her living alone as a diabetic. Roger described her as "a wonderful grandma" with her caring, generous nature. She always had Grapette pop for the little boy she loved dearly. His grandmother lived in the Bend until she moved to Pawhuska about six months prior to her death.