Marking the Centennial of My Grandparents' Marriage

Grandpa Calvin Callcayah Smith
around the time of his marriage.  

        Today, July 23, marks the 100th wedding anniversary of my maternal grandparents, Gladys Vivian Rainey and Calvin Callcayah Smith. They were married in Pawnee, Oklahoma, in a civil ceremony. Grandpa was 29 years of age and listed Fairfax as his residence. and Grandma gave Ralston as her home and was not quite 23 years old. Mother recognized neither name of their witnesses.

Gladys Vivian Rainey

around the time of her

marriage.

 Never was either grandparent definitive about how they met. Grandpa “migrated” west from Delaware County, in the "old country" as he referred to it, to live with his relative, Jack Miller, who lived in the Big Bend. Miller and his family arrived in the community earlier from the Cherokee Nation in Eastern Oklahoma.

       

       Grandpa descended from a great-grandma who was a survivor of the Cherokee Trail of Tears. His father spoke English, Spanish, and his first language, Cherokee. Whereas Grandma’s father, sporting auburn hair, a flair for having fun, a penchant for horse racing, and dancing a lively Irish jig, identified proudly with his Irish background. Anthropologists have speculated that Native Americans and Irish shared similar cultural rituals that possibly subliminally encouraged intermarriage in past history.

      

      Grandpa had lived in Kaw City and worked as a carpenter in the oil boom when derricks were constructed of wood. He also played baseball in Fairfax. Mr. Ruben Hopper, a friend of his from Delaware County who moved to Sunny Slope east of Ralston, Oklahoma, around the same time, delighted in asking me whether I had seen Grandpa “fan” the batters. Mr. Hopper would continue in our conversation to extol Grandpa’s baseball pitching ability.

       Grandma’s family moved to Osage County, settling in the Big Bend community in 1912. However, during 1923, she lived primarily in Fairfax, at the Fairfax Hospital that was located on South Fourth Street, where she trained as a nurse. In those days, nurses in training lived on site and “learned by doing.” 

       I have deduced that since they were “mum” on the subject of their first meeting and their courtship, they must have primarily encountered each other at the community dances held in Benders’ homes. They stopped going to dances when my mother, as a preschooler, “put up a howl” anytime they went to a dance. (Even though Mother remembers many things from her earliest years, she remembers crying but doesn’t recall why she cried when they attended the dances.) After their spiritual conversions, neither of them attended community dances again. They indicated trouble often occurred at the dances, including drinking, jealousy, and fighting.

        Their differences usually loomed large in my grandparents’ marital relationship. Grandma had a feisty personality, which could morph into a fiery temper. (See a blog posting about her temper in https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2016/01/grandmas-temper-and-turkey.html). Whereas Grandpa seldom expressed anger or displeasure unless pushed to his breaking point, which remained at a high threshold.

        Grandma had enough words for both of them. My mother, my sister, and I recount how little we exchanged words with Grandpa on some days. For whatever reason, he limited his verbal interaction. Some people indicated Grandpa was less verbal because of his Cherokee heritage. Yet, those who knew him best would vouch that he loved a good laugh and enjoyed spirited conversation.

        Bottom line, Grandma was an over-achiever – whether in ornamental gardening, sewing, cooking, preparing for Sunday School or Vacation Bible School. She didn’t have an ounce of slothfulness in her being. She pushed herself to unheard of limits. Grandpa worked but enjoyed hunting or fishing or just sitting under a shade tree. Many times, I have seen him walking to the pond with his fishing rod in one hand and his tackle box in the other. His insistence on engaging in work and leisure activities, in almost a steady rhythm between the two, seemed to lead to a calm serenity.

Grandma and Grandpa in the 1970s. Grandma designed and
crafted her dress.

The initial relationship and marriage of my grandparents illustrates a classical paradox. Opposites attract, but daily living magnifies differences that frequently result in couples experiencing hostile interactions that eventually drive them apart. The marked difference in my grandparents’ personalities could have easily been categorized as “irreconcilable differences.” Had they not made commitments to Christ, I think the variances may have presented an insurmountable obstacle to remaining married. Without the common bond of their love of the Lord, His Word, and service to Him in the church, it seems apparent that their relationship would have been doomed. 

        On this centennial anniversary of their wedding, I give thanks to God for graciously entering the lives of my grandparents in the early years following the exchange of their vows and solidifying a marriage that provided a home for my mother to flourish and grow. I am grateful for how the godly influence of their individual personalities with their unique giftedness affected the lives of my sister and me. May we never forget the impact we can have on future generations by how we live our lives today.

Afterthought - Numerous times this summer I have heard comments and read articles and statistics that all boil down to one line of thinking, "It's too expensive to get married. We are saving up." So I thought I'd do a bit of research. I discovered in Oklahoma a license costs $50 but if the couple completes at least 4 hours of state-approved pre-marital counseling the fee is reduced to $5. It seems someone needs to set the record straight. It isn't the marriage that is expensive. The couples are referring to the cost of a wedding which in Oklahoma was around $16,000 in 2022. I cannot think of one couple about whom I have written in Faith_Family_Farm blog that didn't realize the more important of the two was the marriage not the wedding. Most of these couples were able to celebrate at least 50 years of marriage to each other.