The Missed Graduation

Friday, August 30, 1918, saw a high temperature of 101 degrees Fahrenheit in Oklahoma. The next month of September was designated in Oklahoma as the month that broke the decade-long drought in Oklahoma according to https://climate.ok.gov. The sun set around 8 p.m. that day. The Spanish Flu had entered the United States in early 1918 and was stealthily encroaching on the healthy young.

Grandma in her later teen
years. She mischievously
cut her braids off as a kid
and her mother in
exasperation said, "I hope
your hair never grows back."
and it didn't. Only my mother
could roll Grandma's hair so
she could style it. According
to Grandma, it had just
enough natural curl to be
difficult to manage. Of
course in the early 1900s,
hair products were few.

           Gladys Vivian Rainey, a determined young woman who had recently turned 18, lived on the southwestern side of the Bend. She and her family lived "near the Ralph Dooley place" in the early 20th century. She used that explanation since she was sure we girls knew the location of where Ralph, Sissy, and their boys lived.

Grandma, Gladys Rainey Smith, often said she went through the eighth grade four times. Upon perusing this 105-year-old-program, I think I understood a little better what she meant. Grandma was a voracious learner. Her teacher, Alta Cales, must have challenged and encouraged Grandma to set goals to reach each school term during her years of study at the original Woodland School on the west side of the Bend (The school did not have enough students to offer high school courses.). In April, Grandma had taken the battery of tests to meet the standard for graduation.

The Osage County Eighth Grade Commencement was scheduled for Friday, August 30, 1918. Out of the 84 graduates, Grandma must have scored second highest on the April test and was honored as the salutatorian and was listed on the program to give the salutatory address. But sadly, Grandma did not get to attend this important milestone in her young life.

This is the front and back of the 105-year-old program that has been preserved in Grandma's
keepsakes. The inner two pages listed the 84 graduating students.

So why did Grandma not participate in the graduation and receive the diploma she, the over-achiever, had worked so hard to earn? For starters, living 50 miles away from Pawhuska, the Osage County seat, sealed the deal of not participating. My father related it took a half day to get to Fairfax from the Gates place on the northwest side of the Bend. A Pawhuska trip would require three times as much time.* From family stories told, the Rainey family would have still been using a horse-drawn buggy for transportation. The August heat and the late evening start of the graduation exercises also must have made the trip an impossible event.

I never remember Grandma lamenting being unable to attend, participate as the salutatorian, and receive her diploma. I am sure she fought disappointment. Part of life in those pioneer days of the Bend were meeting letdowns head on, allowing them to glance off, and continue persevering with living life. Grandma did maximize her educational achievement. By the summer of 1919, she was enrolled at Oklahoma A & M in a summer training to earn a one-year teaching certificate upon completion of the teacher training.

One of the Life Principles to Live By by Dr. Charles F. Stanley deals with disappointments. The principle is Disappointments are inevitable, discouragement is a choice. This quote provides a truth to live by and is effective whether the disappointment is a minor one or major one.

Dealing with disappointments has always required doing hard things. As I checked cattle the very day this blog post was scheduled to post, I reflected on our upcoming Sunday School lesson from Lamentations, a collection of laments written to express the anguish, pain and sorrow of the destructive fall of Jerusalem. Yet in the middle of the third lament, Jeremiah, the godly prophet, wrote in chapter 3, verse 27, It is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth.  

Adam Clarke, a Wesleyan Methodist theologian of Northern Ireland, spanned the 17th and 18th centuries with his fruitful ministry. In his Bible commentary, he penned these words about Jeremiah's verse pertaining to doing "hard things" in one's youth, Early habits, when good, are invaluable. Early discipline is equally so. He who has not got under wholesome restraint in youth will never make a useful man, a good man, nor a happy man.

Grandma, as a young girl, had learned to do hard things from manual labor in the field during the summer with her father and siblings to canning in the summer months with her mother without air conditioning or even fans. Hard work taught the importance of delayed gratification and a less self-centered attitude. Both of these precepts enable us to handle disappointment from the youngest to the oldest. How important that adults at any age hold onto these principles and pass them along to another generation!

*Interestingly, most couples from the Bend in that era that I have researched were married in Pawnee, the county seat of Pawnee County, only half the distance of Pawhuska.

The Lost Is Found

                This seems like the summer of lost things. Our oldest heifer of the 2023 calf crop after being a worrisome no-show appeared within several days. I finally gave up looking for my miniature lipstick bag that was normally in my purse. Our very tame cat who always sleeps on the enclosed porch failed to appear one night, but I was relieved when he showed up the next morning. Thankfully, I was successful in locating my quarter change purse used specifically for washing my car in town.

                The most troublesome loss occurred this past Sunday. That morning I zipped in Mother’s pickup to the cattle lot to feed a cow and her calf in hopes of helping Greg, our helpful neighbor, treat the calf on Monday. The calf was almost trained to come into the lot. Hurriedly, I grabbed breakfast and prepared for church. I was grateful Angie was at the farm so Mother could get up at her own pace.

                All went well until that evening just a bit before sundown when I reached to the spot where vehicle keys are kept. The worst scenario began to develop. The keys for Mother’s F-350 pickup were not hung in their rightful place. I checked jean pockets, looked in the seat and floorboard of the pickup, and scoured the grass near the driver’s truck door. Upon her purchase of the truck, I carefully placed the service key on a well-marked key ring. On Sunday, I grabbed it from its place on the vintage key holder and continued with my chores albeit with a troubled heart; yet I found a way to rejoice when the heifer came in the lot for the first time.

                That evening, I hurriedly printed Find F-350 Truck Keys in my prayer journal. As I drifted off to sleep, I thought this prayer, Lord, You know right where the keys are. Please help me to learn what I am supposed to from this. Please help me to work Your plan tomorrow.

                The next morning, I awakened with the thought, You need to weed-eat thoroughly around the pickup. After Greg had treated the calf, I prepared breakfast for Mother and me. After a few more tasks, I told her I needed to do more weed-eating.

                I began using the trimmer and thinking about the words of Jesus that described His mission. In Luke 19:10, following His encounter with Zacchaeus, Jesus stated, …The Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost. As I slowly, methodically, and intently moved the trimmer back and forth, I pondered my intensity in looking for the keys. Yet Jesus said His purpose was to seek the lost. I compared my laser-focus on finding the keys to my persistence to join Jesus in seeking lost people--people who do not know Jesus, the Savior of the world. Jesus even used the phrase about the lost (prodigal) son in Luke 15:32, when the loving father rejoiced by saying, …my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.

The Found Keys and Key Fob

                With those thoughts at the forefront of my mind, the sudden sound of the trimmer string hitting something other than grass blades startled me. Releasing my grip from the trimmer’s power control and leaning down, I could see something slightly buried. It was the keys and the key fob! Even though damaged a bit and detached from the key ring, the key fob still worked. I lifted my hand toward heaven and thanked the Lord for leading me to that area with the string trimmer.

                As overjoyed as I was about the lost key being found, I couldn’t shake the comparison with the lost key and spiritually lost people. My thoughts caused me to turn to Luke 15 where the Gospel writer, Luke, recorded the trio of parables centering on the theme of lost and found. The first story teaching a greater truth featured a shepherd of 100 sheep with one lost. The shepherd searched fervently and found the wayward one and proclaimed in Luke 15:6, …Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!

                The second parable presented a woman who had lost one of ten silver coins (I understand in the ancient Jewish culture this would mirror a woman losing a diamond from her wedding ring.). After a frantic search of her home, she found the missing silver coin and called friends and neighbors announcing joyously, …Rejoice with me, for I have found the piece which I lost! (Luke 15:9).

                Earlier, I mentioned the final parable of the trio – the prodigal or lost son and the overwhelming joy of the loving father who continually scanned the horizon for his lost son. Luke used the phrase that proves this, “But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him…” (Luke 15:20). Jesus used this to illustrate how God seeks for humans to show the inclination of returning (repenting) to Him and He responds by “running” to them.

                If we have experienced the salvation of Jesus, may we serve as His agents of reconciliation and “seek” for those away from Him – dead in their sins. May lost things never surpass our concern for people who have not entered into a saving relationship with God through Jesus. Matthew (a disciple) and Zacchaeus both were hated tax collectors, yet were called by Jesus. In Matthew 18:11, Jesus says, "For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost." It is no accident that it is almost word for word what Luke recorded in Luke 19:10 when Jesus met Zacchaeus. Let’s make sure we get the message of Jesus in that brief but powerful statement spoken twice.

Singing About the Lilies

Resurrection
Lilies planted
by Grandma Gladys
Smith.Photographed
on her 123rd 
birthday.

               Over 50 years ago, the Masham Baptist Church heard three little girls singing with all their hearts and voices about the lilies. Vonnie Laird Robbins taught her daughter, Kathy Robbins, Cindy Webb, and Angie Gates several songs, but the one I recall foremost in my memory was entitled, Consider the Lilies.

                I remember how the sun shone through the windows of the original building where the Masham Baptist Church family worshipped as Kathy, Cindy, and Angie sang. They sang these words with such confidence, yet heartfelt sincerity.

            Consider the lilies how stately they grow!

They toil not, they spin not, no seed do they sow;

Yet they bloom all the summer, so shining and tall,

                            The Father who loves them takes thought for them all.

                The song was written in 1905 by Alice Williams Brotherton. These thought-provoking lyrics were based on the words of Jesus as recorded in Luke 12:27-28:

Kathy Robbins

Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?

                As I glimpsed the resurrection lilies that had just shot up this week, I thought of the truth of the song’s words. How stately the resurrection lilies grew! Yet they did no work like planting or tilling for the profuse beauty of the lilies to emerge. The creative power of God caused the resurrection lilies to appear.

                God’s power works in our world in innumerable ways – healing bodies, comforting broken hearts, restoring broken relationships, enabling humans to achieve beyond their capabilities. But the most astonishing miraculous power of all occurs when by His resurrection power, Jesus makes a sinful human “dead in his sin” alive again, as Paul characterized in his letter to the Ephesians chapter 2, verse 5:

…Even though we were spiritually dead and doomed by our sins, He gave us back our lives again when He raised Christ from the dead – only by His undeserved favor have we ever been saved… (The Living Bible)

                Our pastor, Mike Brock, encourages connectivity. The Webb family, the Robbins family, and our family had a connectiveness. Bill Webb, Wayne Robbins, and my dad, Edmund Gates had little time for visiting during the week. Bill and Wayne managed full-time agriculture operations involving both farming and ranching. Dad worked daily using his carpentry skills and worked after hours with his cattle herd. Vonnie Robbins, Joy Webb, and Mother, Bernyce Gates were full-time homemakers. They prepared three meals daily, processed garden produce all summer long with freezing and canning, and even put up any edible fruit growing in the wild. These women sewed, patched, and performed 1,001 other tasks to remain on a tight budget.

Cindy Webb

                But Wednesday summer nights, these three couples connected. Bill, Wayne, and Dad could “chew the fat” long after the prayer meeting ended. I can still hear in my memory the laughter from Vonnie, Joy, and Mother as they told the antics of their kids during the summer. These couples also discussed important issues pertinent to having good, solid families.

                  Cindy and Billy Wayne Webb, Kathy and Dawn Robbins, and Angie and I ran up and down chasing each other on the slope at the Masham Baptist Church. We never tired and always found creative ways to play together during those summer evenings.

Angie Gates

                Connectivity in a church family can occur only between families that love the Lord, are devoted to Him, and share that desire to see His name honored. Even at age 98, Mother maintains that connectivity with these three couples. As a widow herself, she grieves for Joy and Vonnie walking through life without the husbands God graciously gave them. Mother mentions Joy being bereaved of both of her children, Cindy and Billy Wayne but we remind each other of the strong faith Joy has in the Lord and His promise. She frets over Vonnie burying her daughter, Dawn, in the Masham Cemetery and returning to her home in South Dakota, but we often end these conversations with this promise from Jesus from John 11:25-26:

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?

The Report Card Enclosed in a Letter

 Mother was age 6 going on 7 when her cousin, Billie Jean, was born on August 11, 1931. Her birth occurred during a tumultuous family time. Mother’s maternal grandfather had died the day before at age 63. At 98, Mother recalls never tiring of holding and rocking her new baby cousin, Billie Jean. The procedure was always the same. An adult placed this new baby in Mother’s lap. Mother was perfectly content to cuddle this newest addition to the Rainey family until an adult would retrieve Baby Billie Jean. Mother had a special relationship with her grandpa, William Rainey. Maybe holding and rocking Little Billie Jean brought comfort to Mother as a little 6-year-old. 

The earliest photo of Billie 
Jean in my grandma's 
album.

When Billie Jean was age 11, her mother, Raucie Snow Rainey, joined the ranks of the female riveters in Tulsa. The women became such an integral part of the war effort that the icon Rosie the Riveter was created to honor their dedication.

Just months after their mother began working, Billie Jean and her younger sister, Marilyn, age 9, were stunned by the death of their beloved mother. Her husband, Gene, the younger brother of my maternal grandma, Gladys, spiraled down on a path of grief that dogged him periodically throughout the remainder of his life, as he would later be diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

After her sister’s death, Mabel Snow Lynn and her family took both girls to live with them. Later Marilyn would live with my maternal grandparents and my mother. To read more about Marilyn’s life, access the blog When the Little Brown-Eyed Durgan Lived with My Grandparents at this link: Faith_Family_Farm: When the Little Brown-Eyed Durgan Lived with My Grandparents (bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com

A few months ago, Rick Rice, whose father, Virgil, was a cousin of Billie Jean and Marilyn just like my mother, dropped off a letter and a report card he had found in his parents belongings saying, “This might be of interest to you.”

The 12-year-old seventh grader, Billie Jean who had been bereaved of her mother a little over a year earlier, had written the letter to Aunt Emma Rainey Buckley, her father’s sister, and enclosed her 1943-1944 report card. She told of her last day of school and beyond. Here in Billie Jean’s own words is her account.

The top of Billie Jean's Letter to Aunt Emma. What gorgeous handwriting! I have
comments made frequently about the demise of reading and writing cursive
handwriting in our culture today. People bemoan the illegibility of handwritten 
communication. This seventh grader didn't have that problem even with all the
difficulty and sorrow she had experienced.

School was out just yesterday, and I’ll be in the eighth-grade next year. We went on a picnic lunch for the last day of school down on the creek where Grandpa (Asa Snow) used to live. It sure was grand. I wish you could have been there.

We went fishing down by Kate’s the other day, had a lot of fun. When we started home, Edd Pat, Patricia and I got in the boat for one last ride. Anthony and Joe Dean were seining and when we were about ten yards from shore they waded out, tried to get in but as they were trying to get in, the end of the boat where they were pulling down went under water and water poured in. Patricia pushed Joe Dean off accidentally and jumped on Anthony’s shoulders. Edd Pat jumped out too and I rowed to shore. (Explanation: Kate Lynn was a sister of Bernard Lynn, the husband of Mabel Snow Lynn. Edd Pat and Joe Dean were brothers, the sons of Jim and Vera Miller Lynn. Vera was a sister of Bud Miller, a life-long Bender. Patricia and Anthony Lynn were the children of Bernard and Mabel Snow Lynn.)

 After we had all got out of the boat, Edd Pat and Anthony got back in the boat and rowed out to look at their trout lines, but it started sinking. Anthony would run to one end of the boat, and it would start sinking then he would run to the other. Finally, it went plumb down. They had to pull it in and dump it on shore.

We went down on the river that evening and tried to seine a pond that was left by the flood (This was the flood of 1944. To read more about the flood of 1944, access this post at https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2019/06/recalling-haymaking-after-flood-of-1944.html ). They said there was a fifty-pound catfish in it but it was too big. We will have to seine it when it goes down a little more.

Grandpa has a horse that I can ride pretty well and I sure have fun when I go down there.

Billie Jean closed by telling Aunt Emma she wanted to show you what kind of grades I made.  All my Love, Billie Jean Rainey.

Having known Billie Jean all my life, I imagine her as a sensitive preteen delighted to share a report card with her beloved aunt that revealed all A’s and Bs with NO days absent. She had a father who still loved her and her sister. No substance abuse was involved. Billie Jean had aunts and uncles, cousins, and grandparents who loved Marilyn and her. Even though the girls lived with different aunts. uncles and cousins, the homes they stayed in were not even a mile apart. Their father was less than a mile from both girls’ residences. They both attended Belford Grade School located within walking distance of the homes where they stayed. Their teachers knew the losses the girls had experienced. Yet they challenged the girls to learn and achieve all they could.

Billie Jean and Marilyn received nurturing support, encouraging compassion, and much strengthening love. This enabled them to move through the grief, never getting over the loss of their mother, but being able to continue living a life that provided enjoyment and fulfillment.

        As my father said about how to walk the road of severe loss, “You put one foot in front of another.” The Bend community and its school, the families of Billie Jean and her little sister bolstered them as they continued maturing. Their love for Aunt Emma and their desire for success led them to live in Washington, D. C. with Aunt Emma Rainey Buckley. (To access a photo of Aunt Emma and Billie Jean, go to the link - https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2014/08/the-bittersweet-shared-birthday.html )