Remembering New Year's Eve Birthdays

I never mark New Year's Eve without thinking of these two precious relatives who are the subjects of today's blog posting. Remembering those who have impacted our lives fosters a thankfulness that strengthens us more than most of us realize. A grateful heart focuses us on our heavenly Father who desires to bear our burdens and direct our decisions and steps throughout 2024.

  Emma Maryann Rainey Buckley - December 31, 1903 - January 31, 1996

The youngest daughter of Rosa Jarrell Rainey and William Marion Rainey was born on December 31, 1903, at Sacred Heart, Indian Territory. My maternal grandmother, Gladys Vivian Rainey Smith, at age three, welcomed her into the family. They named the New Year’s Eve baby Emma Maryann.  Her father selected her middle name after his own mother, Mary.

According to my grandma, Aunt Emma quickly became a favorite of her father. Grandmother related how Aunt Emma, as a sick little one, needed to take medicine. Her father, in his effort to entice Emma to take her medicine, illustrated how easy it was to swallow and ended up taking her medicine himself! That suited little Emma just fine.

As an older sister, my grandmother and AIice, another sister, thrived on teasing Aunt Emma. Aunt Emma always had many suitors. Alice and my grandmother teased her when they attended Woodland School in the Bend and Emma received a love note. The boy who didn't excel in spelling or handwriting wrote a note to Emma referring to her as his “Humey” instead of "Honey." Even in her 70s, this same man enjoyed meeting her and visiting about days long gone as well as his agri-business.

Aunt Emma formed strong friendships when she stayed with the McInroy family in Fairfax to attend high school. She found employment at Big Hill Trading Company. While there she met and married Bill Buckley in 1929. More about their relationship can be read at the blog post link: http://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-theater-manager-who-married-rainey.html .

The death of her beloved husband forced my great-aunt to begin carving a new path for herself. Following her recovery from an emotional collapse, she and her niece, Hazel Rice Goad Guthrie, enrolled in Hills Business College in Oklahoma City. Coincidentally, my paternal aunt, Ella Gates Bledsoe, was studying at the same time at the same college.

Upon completing her coursework, she accepted a job with the United States Government Printing Office in Washington, D.C. Her new employment adventure propelled her into an entirely new venue and atmosphere. She attended worship services at the National Cathedral. Aunt Emma, with her newfound friends, toured each historical site in their leisure time. The couple of decades in social circles in the nation’s capital afforded her opportunities to enjoy the festivities of presidential inaugural balls as well as the historic performance of Marion Anderson, the world-renowned contralto, in Constitution Hall.

Upon Aunt Emma’s move back East, she began buying the farm on which her mother, Rosa Jarrell Rainey lived. Her mother (my great-grandmother) died in 1953, and soon Aunt Emma retired to begin farming with her brother, Eugene Robert Rainey. After his death in 1961, she lived the remainder of her life by herself on the farm.

Aunt Emma transitioned from an urban lifestyle with a full social calendar to raising chickens, planting a garden, and canning the garden produce she harvested. Her nephew, Virgil Rice, farmed her tillable ground for her. As she aged, he checked faithfully on her daily.

Aunt Emma was generous with her time and money. She gave of herself to help her sister-in-law, Pearl Rainey, care for her older brother, Lewis, the last few months of his life. She spent many nights with her oldest sister, Daisy Rainey Rice. Calvin and Gladys Smith, my grandparents, enjoyed shopping outings with her to Ponca City on a regular basis.

My love of music prompted Aunt Emma to underwrite my first piano lessons. She always expected a mini concert from my sister, Angie, and me when she was at our house. She and my mother fostered my love of classical music.

Aunt Emma with me in February of 1957. I always admired her keen
  business savvy and understated sense of style and have tried to emulate it.

In her later years, many times I traveled the short distance to her house from my parents’ farm or stopped by after school on Friday. We discussed current affairs, family news, fashion trends, our personal Bible study, and family stories from the past. That strong relationship led me to what no one else had the courage to do - return a photograph.

Bill Buckley’s World War I photograph retained a prominent place in our home all during my early days. My inquisitive nature caused me to inquire why we had his photo in our home and Aunt Emma had no pictures of him in sight at all. A brief explanation of her difficulty with his death was told to me. I knew names of men smitten with her were bantered about for many years.  An engineer who remained a bachelor until his death was discovered in my research! A banker, a train conductor, and a successful farmer were just a few who were quite taken with her, but with each one, she countered with a respectful, polite response that indicated no interest on her part. 

Prior to my grandma’s death, when cleaning, I proposed a novel idea – give Bill Buckley’s photo back to Aunt Emma. Initially, every family member supported me from afar in that effort to return the heretofore unwanted portrait. To everyone’s astonishment, Aunt Emma accepted and displayed prominently the photograph she rejected over sixty years earlier. Evidently, this sophisticated lady with a brilliant business mind had come to accept her dear Bill’s death and embraced their brief marriage as a relationship that could never be matched even though she lived into her 90s. Years of heartache and loss had finally been replaced with fond memories of the love they shared.

   Her nephew, Virgil Rice, who loving watched over Aunt Emma had these words etched on her tombstone, She graced her family with acts of loving kindness. May those who loved and admired her carry on her legacy with loving kindness for others as she did.

Elizabeth Purcell Hammer - December 31, 1913 - July 17, 2016

Around twenty years ago, I discovered a relative that I had heard about but had never met. At the time, I was trying to find a member of my maternal grandfather’s family because of a portrait. Gladys Vivian Rainey Smith had married my grandfather, Calvin Callcayah Smith after his father’s death, but she always told me a portrait of him hung in the Smith home in Hickory Grove, Oklahoma. I didn’t locate the portrait of Walter Smith, however, my search led me to Elizabeth Purcell Hammer. How she enriched my life!             Elizabeth was born to my grandfather’s older sister, Rachel and her husband, Arthur Purcell on December 31, 1913. Like my mother, she is one-quarter Cherokee. Elizabeth is one of the three Purcell girls. Ferrall and Fern were her sisters. Elizabeth attended school at the historically significant -at least to the Smith family - Hickory Grove School in Delaware County. My grandfather and his siblings attended school there. Grandpa’s parents and other relatives were buried in the Hickory Grove Cemetery near the school (For more information about the Smith family’s influence in the Hickory Grove Cemetery see the final photograph in the blog posting entitled Typhoid! that posted on October 19, 2014. - https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2014/10/typhoid.html).             Elizabeth grew up on a farm that raised hogs, cattle, and chickens. Those days were hard, battling the drought, the Dust Bowl, along with couple of years of infestation by armyworms and grasshoppers. The adversity of her formative years built the tenacity and determination that has served Elizabeth well over these many years.             She graduated from Chouteau High School and began her study at Northeastern State College. When she had completed approximately two years of collegiate study, Elizabeth began teaching at her first school. She taught 60 students ranging from first through eighth grades. Her entry salary was $60/month. She later earned her degree from NSU with postgraduate hours from OSU. Elizabeth Hammer at age 90. Her excellence as an educator and her polished persona still inspire me .             Elizabeth also served as an elementary principal at numerous locations in eastern Oklahoma. She retired in 1977, after teaching science and math to junior high students for 15 years in Claremore with innumerable accolades coupled with the admiration and respect of a myriad of students from all over the eastern half of the state.             She was married to the love of her life, Ellsworth Hammer, for over 60 years until his death in 2000. Since her father and husband were in the agriculture business, she advised me in her 2013 Christmas card, “Please don’t try to be a full-fledge farmer. It’ll take up too much time and energy.” Truer words were never spoken.             Elizabeth served in various capacities in civic, educational, community, and service organizations in Pryor, her home of almost 80 years, as well as Mayse County. Her larger-than-life persona pervaded the area so that her son told her upon her 100th birthday that perhaps she should relinquish the keys to her car since everyone in Pryor knew her age!             In one of our last telephone conversations, I told her about a family photo that I had found in my grandma’s album. Elizabeth did not have a copy of it. I told her within the month I would get a copy sent to her. This dear relative who had written pages of family history for me and had visited with me about a great-grandfather I had never seen, said to me, “Now don’t you be concerned about getting that to me. You have enough to do already caring for your father.” Her compassionate comments filled with sensitivity serve as an encouragement when weariness crept into my being.             Since Grandma told me about the portrait of Walter Smith, my mission to lay my eyes on it drove me in search of as many Smith relatives as I could possibly locate. Being unable to find the portrait was a blessing since it led me to contact Elizabeth, the treasure trove of Smith family history - an accomplished relative with a loving, caring heart. What a family jewel and a dear blessing to me!

The Enduring Commitment of Polar Opposites

 Once again I thought I knew what this week's blog post would feature. Then Saturday morning, I woke up with the thought to check Elmer and Ruby Rice's wedding date. It was on December 23. I felt compelled to repost this inspiring family story of making love work by honoring a commitment. May their stick-to-itiveness encourage us in every area of our lives.

Elmer Marion Rice had just turned 22 years old when he pledged his love and commitment to Ruby Vinita Martin on December 23, 1940. Ruby had dated others, even Elmer’s cousin. Yet Ruby, at age 19, chose Elmer. They kept the promises made in that wedding ceremony until Ruby’s death on December 11, 2002, less than two weeks before what would have been their 62^nd wedding anniversary.

Family stories indicate that Elmer spoke occasionally with a brusque tongue in their early days of marriage. The family story goes that after the glowing luster of newlywed bliss had turned to marital reality, Elmer leveled a jab at Ruby’s cooking when he asked for cornbread at a family dinner at his parents’ home by saying, “Please pass the cake." This comment implied that his young bride's cooking was not very good compared to his mother's.  Although the comment was meant in jest, his father, fearing Ruby might be embarrassed, reprimanded him and diverted the conversation quickly.   

Elmer’s parents creatively and humorously supported Ruby when Elmer was adjusting to marriage. One day when he was a bit disagreeable with Ruby, his parents, Ernest and Daisy Rice drove to town with their young daughter-in-law seated securely right between them! Obviously, they adored her.

All who knew Ruby and Elmer could certainly attest to the fact that “Opposites attract.” Elmer was unorganized and somewhat messy. In fact, I had the privilege of learning the art of teaching third graders from Ruby beginning in 1979 until her retirement. The only time I saw her upset with Elmer was one morning when Ruby, who was always early, arrived at school later than her usual time. She had cleaned off the top of his persistently messy desk the previous evening. Then just as she was preparing to depart for school, he began to say, “You cleaned up my desk, and now I can’t find anything!” He had waited until she was ready to walk out the door to look for an important document that he needed that day. Ruby didn’t malign Elmer in any way, but I knew she was annoyed!

Ruby was smitten by his brilliant mind. His ability to assess opportunities and calculate the risks led to Elmer being a stellar businessman. Ruby trusted him implicitly to make wise business decisions for their family.

Increasingly, Elmer leaned on Ruby’s quiet stability. She considered her words and their ramifications before she spoke.

Ruby was an attractive woman even into her latter years with gorgeous brown eyes. Many times, I saw her look quizzically or glance teasingly sideways at Elmer.

I still chuckle to hear Elmer’s voice call her when he was ready to go. He called her name with a noticeable accent on the final syllable and with a much higher pitch than the first syllable.

Elmer made providing for Ruby an important goal in his life. He wanted her to have a dependable, safe car – in actuality, he liked for her to have a statement car that accentuated her understated sophistication.  A spacious, comfortable home for her became an aim for him. I will never forget how excited Ruby was when he bought a grand piano for her. She daily played the piano upon arriving home from school as a way to unwind from all the stresses of the teaching day.

Living together as husband and wife for over 60 years doesn’t just happen. After Elmer and Ruby made that matrimonial commitment to each other, they later chose to commit their lives to Jesus. I think they’d say that decision impacted their individual lives and their relationship with each other more than anything else.

Elmer and Ruby at the wedding of their daughter, Vickie to Tom
            Cabell at the Ralston Baptist Church in the early 1970s.

After Elmer suffered a debilitating fall, Ruby insisted on caring for him, even though it possibly jeopardized her own health. She had made that promise, “for better, for worse, in sickness or in health” and she was determined to keep it, even over the worried protest of those who loved her best.

For those of us who admired and loved Ruby and Elmer, these endearing memories of two opposites who dearly loved each other serve as a precious reminder of loving, sacrificial dedication. What a shining example of commitment for those of us living in the 21^st century!

My father, Edmund Gates, Jr. with Ruby and Elmer Rice posing with the
  highly respected teacher and coach, Grover Bradley at the Burbank High
   School Reunion in Burbank, Oklahoma, on June 27, 1993. Elmer, Ruby,
     and Dad graduated from Burbank High School in the late 1930s.

The Christmas Tree at Woodland

  I initially posted this Christmas family story ten years ago while Dad was still living. The truth of it never becomes outdated and is worth revisiting.

        As a child, I would hear my parents and grandparents talk about the Christmas Tree – not as an object but as an event. In the 1930s, both schools (Belford and Woodland) in the Big Bend community held an evening extravaganza each December for the students and their families at each particular school.

        My father, Edmund Gates, Jr., recalled the enormous decorated tree in the Woodland (not to be confused with the district consolidated in 1990, also named Woodland) schoolhouse located where Lester Anson’s home is currently. The students would perform in the school Christmas program. Then the highlight of the evening was the children receiving gifts that decorated the tree. 
        The parents would purchase gifts for their children and then take the gifts to a designated lady from the community who would tie the gifts to the school tree. The children could hardly wait to have their names called and receive a gift from the Christmas tree.  As children living in the Great Depression, you can imagine their anticipation. 
        The most memorable Christmas tree for Edmund Jr. was in 1931 when his younger brother Jess at age eight received a rifle off the tree. To his delight, Edmund Jr. who was 12 years old received a watch when his name was called. It was a magical night filled with beautiful music, laughter, and delicious sweet treats which children of the Depression era seldom received. Then with elation the children shared with pride what the Christmas tree had given them.  In the excitement of the evening, Edmund laid his newly acquired watch on a school desk. Unfortunately, he only briefly enjoyed the first expensive gift he’d ever been given, before it was stolen.

Edmund Gates, Jr. in the 1930s

        As I visited with Dad about the stolen Christmas watch, my heart ached for a young boy who experienced such joy and delight over a precious gift only to have those feelings dashed into a million pieces a few minutes later. He described how he spent the rest of the evening in a futile search for his Christmas watch. 

        As I recounted the story of that night, a heartwarming realization dawned on me. Dad frequently thanked God in our nightly prayer time saying, "Thank You for the Lord Jesus." He so clearly understood that Jesus is the gift that once received can never be stolen or lost. What an amazing thought to bring perspective as we ponder peacefully when the hectic and harried pace attempts to sabotage this season!

He (Jesus) came to His own, and His own did not receive Him. But as many as received Him, He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe on His name.  Taken from the Gospel of John, chapter one, verses eleven and twelve.                   

The Bend Story Merlene Morris Insisted Be Told

        When someone passes from this life to eternity, memories flood my mind. That happened upon hearing of Merlene Morris's death this past week. As far back as I can remember, Merlene and her family have been my family's friends.

        Since I had not settled on a blog post for this week, the post from March 24 of 2019, came quickly to my mind. Merlene had insisted I retell this true account from the spring before I was born. She even helped with "primary sources" such as newspaper articles. 

        As a tribute to her, I am reposting the story that she "willed" me into retelling. May her family and friends find comfort in knowing as the hymn, It is Well With My Soul, states Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight, Merlene's faith is now sight because of her trust in Jesus.

Pam Morris Felix, Patricia Morris Chaffin, Merlene, Gilbert Wayne Morris

                In April of 1932, Jim and Mary Clark purchased the country store in the Bend. (It was located where Sharon White Gibson now lives, about a half-mile from my mother’s farm.) The Great Depression cast a deep gloom over the entire nation, but despair, hunger, and lack hovered over the state of Oklahoma. According to an article about his knife-making that appeared in the Ponca City News during the late 1950s, the Clarks extended credit to their customers but never received payment from a few Benders during the worst economic crisis in the history of the Bend. (The photo of Mr. Clark appeared with the above mentioned article.)

                During the 1950s, Merlene and Gilbert (Junior) Morris lived on the place now owned by my mother, Bernyce Smith Gates. During that time, their three children, Gilbert Wayne Morris, Patricia Morris Chaffin, Pamela Morris Felix were born. Many events and happenings filled Merlene’s memory from those early days of her family. One of the most vivid, frightening days involved the robbery of the store owned by her grandparents-in-law, the Clarks. Junior was Mary and Jim’s grandson.

                Many of the people in the community went to the evening service at Big Bend Baptist Church on Sunday, March 25, 1956. (My parents and maternal grandparents had been asked by Brother Ray Hart to assist with music and teaching at the newly-formed Masham Baptist Church just across the Arkansas River in Pawnee County. The four of them were attending the night church service there.)

                Around 7 p.m., that evening a couple of men pulled up to the Clark Store. Jim Clark and his brother-in-law, Riley Drake were minding the store. The Fairfax Chief article from the weekly issue, published on March 29, quoted Clark as saying, “the women folk had gone to church.”

                The younger man, age 28, entered the store, pulling a gun on Mr. Clark and Mr. Drake. Even though Jim Clark at age 76 suffered a lack of mobility in his legs due to a childhood illness, he defended himself with his crutch. My father, Edmund Gates, Jr., when retelling this happening, always said, “Jim was very strong in his upper body.”

                The young perpetrator hit Mr. Clark over the head with his gun. In the scuffle, the gun fell to the store floor. Mr. Drake, the brother of Mary Clark, began hand-to-hand conflict with the would-be robber. Drake eventually secured the gun and got off a shot as the culprit fled the store without apprehension. The forty-year-old driver/accomplice had parked a short distance from Clark’s store. Upon hearing the shot, he sped from the foiled robbery site. Mr. Clark suffered head lacerations and caved-in ribs. The paper reported their bruises and scratches required medical attention.

This photo accompanied a newspaper clipping that appeared on Mary's
88th birthday. She lived to be 99 years old, dying just a couple months
shy of her 100th birthday. She and Jim were married about 50 years.

                Merlene recalled Coyt Auld came to the door at the back of the church to tell the worshipers of the attempted robbery (An interesting piece of Bend trivia - Mr. Auld’s great-nephew, Ron Howard aka Opie Taylor, frequented the Bend with his family when the actor/director’s great-grandmother, Carrie Freeman Tomlin, lived with the Auld family. My father hardly ever saw Ron Howard in a movie or television show without making the remark, "He's been on that road right out there!"). Merlene remembered the women and children being taken from the church service to safety at George and Hazel Goad’s home located southeast of the present home of Hubert and Charlotte Hutchens. She mentioned Geraldine Rice Forbes and her daughters sought safety, too, while the men began the search for the would-be thieves who had escaped.

                The article from The Fairfax Chief indicated several agencies, including Osage County, Fairfax and Pawnee police departments, and the Oklahoma Highway Patrol, searched until midnight and concluded the two desperados had escaped the area.

                Mother clearly recalled that spring evening. She was 31 years old and in her third trimester anticipating my birth. My parents and maternal grandparents lived on the place owned by Omer Jefferson, Jr. He had inherited it from his mother, Louise Butler Jefferson, the descendant of an Osage original allottee. The Jefferson land was located south across Big Bend Road from Mother's home today.

                In the early 1950s, my parents and grandparents responded to the need of workers at the newly-formed Masham Baptist Church. That March night, they returned from their Sunday evening service at Masham, only to be stopped at the east side of the Belford Bridge spanning the Arkansas River. Law officials alerted them to the robbery suspects on the loose in the Bend.

                Many residents were out on what is now Big Bend Road, the main artery into the Bend. The place they rented had been combed for Mr. Clark’s attacker. Soon my parents and grandparents were assured, following a thorough search, the perpetrators had left the area. Grandma, Gladys Rainey Smith, remained tense over the afternoon events, nevertheless they settled in for the evening.

                A little after midnight, the driver of the getaway car, evidently with a pang of concern for his younger partner in the crime, attempted to return to the Bend via the Belford Bridge, only to encounter the road block. He was detained by the Pawnee County law officials.

                Realizing the gunman was still at large in the Bend, the intense search resumed. According to Merlene’s notes, at 3:20 a.m., following a trail of blood, the officials discovered the would-be robber hiding in a ravine on the Jefferson place. His capture occurred a scant half-mile from my family’s dwelling where he was holed up in a cave on the bank of the dry creek bed. (Mother reiterated the location of his seizure was slightly south of the small WPA bridge located west of her present home. Were my father alive, he could take you to the precise spot of the robber's apprehension!)

                The Pawnee Chief reported the men were initially housed in the Fairfax jail and later transported to Osage County Jail in Pawhuska. Both had previous criminal records for similar offenses.

                The scripture condemns stealing. One of the verses that rings true for our society today is found in Ephesians 4:28.

Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need.

I like this crystal-clear rendering of Ephesians 4:28 from The Message:

Did you use to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can’t work. 

Other Blog Postings - Merlene and her family have been featured in other postings. Below are links to these:

https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2015/11/when-cotton-was-king.html

https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2017/08/only-two-names-will-do.html

https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2018/08/the-spokes-must-be-connected-to.html

My Earliest Story

            It is funny the things we remember. I remember how much Dad loved to tell my earliest story. When he came in one day from working in the field, I met him with my first story. The condensed version with just the bare facts, no elaboration, but told in a little one’s animated manner impressed him.

            My story was comprised of these four words, “Kitty, Nanny, skunk, shovel.” Grandma and Mother interpreted the events for Dad.

            One of the kittens had been attacked in broad daylight by a skunk. Grandma Gladys managed to get a shovel and opened the window above the endangered kitten and its predator, a skunk. Somehow, she maneuvered and wielded the shovel and saved the kitten.

            This can be characterized as a cute adventure story from a toddler told with spot-on accuracy. Yet, as with so many happenings in our lives, a spiritual application can be made.

            We humans identify with the endangered kitten. Each of us are vulnerable to the consequences of sin – illness, death, disappointment, and so many other sorrows or pitfalls.

            The predatory skunk is so like Satan, the enemy of God and of God’s most valued creation – humans. Lucifer, another name for Satan, is quoted in Isaiah 14:14 when he boasts of his planned takeover of heaven from God, “I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High.”

            Jesus uses terms like murderer and liar to brand Satan in John 8:44. In the same gospel, Jesus teaches so beautifully of His love as the Good Shepherd for His sheep. In John 10:10, where Jesus promises abundant life to those who follow Him, He describes the sheep’s enemy who comes to steal, kill, and destroy.

            Nanny, my maternal grandma, intervened in the violent attack on the tiny kitten. The comparison breaks down a bit since Nanny had not created the kitten as God created us, but she was the caretaker of the farm cats that we had. Her concern demanded she actively intercede to preserve the kitten’s life.

            Finally, her tool to destroy the skunk was a shovel. It demanded only courage on her part. God’s tool to break Satan’s hold on humans was the cross, one of the cruelest methods of execution ever devised. In God’s perfect timing, He sent His Son, Jesus, to live and give His life on the cross to redeem us from the clutches of Satan, His archenemy.

        

This is the only cat permitted indoors. Mother was adamant
in her training that if we mishandled a cat and felt the cat's
displeasure we deserved the consequences. Cougar, this
cat, was not the kitten that tangled with the skunk. 

           My first story of only four words has a cuteness and illustrates how concern and care for animals had been fostered early in my little soul. How much greater is the true story of God’s love for us, the sacrificial death of His perfect Son, and the defeat of Satan--the nemesis of every thing good, holy, just, and connected with God! May we tell that story every chance we get. My nanny would love that.