The Enduring Commitment of Polar Opposites

 Once again I thought I knew what this week's blog post would feature. Then Saturday morning, I woke up with the thought to check Elmer and Ruby Rice's wedding date. It was on December 23. I felt compelled to repost this inspiring family story of making love work by honoring a commitment. May their stick-to-itiveness encourage us in every area of our lives.

Elmer Marion Rice had just turned 22 years old when he pledged his love and commitment to Ruby Vinita Martin on December 23, 1940. Ruby had dated others, even Elmer’s cousin. Yet Ruby, at age 19, chose Elmer. They kept the promises made in that wedding ceremony until Ruby’s death on December 11, 2002, less than two weeks before what would have been their 62^nd wedding anniversary.

Family stories indicate that Elmer spoke occasionally with a brusque tongue in their early days of marriage. The family story goes that after the glowing luster of newlywed bliss had turned to marital reality, Elmer leveled a jab at Ruby’s cooking when he asked for cornbread at a family dinner at his parents’ home by saying, “Please pass the cake." This comment implied that his young bride's cooking was not very good compared to his mother's.  Although the comment was meant in jest, his father, fearing Ruby might be embarrassed, reprimanded him and diverted the conversation quickly.   

Elmer’s parents creatively and humorously supported Ruby when Elmer was adjusting to marriage. One day when he was a bit disagreeable with Ruby, his parents, Ernest and Daisy Rice drove to town with their young daughter-in-law seated securely right between them! Obviously, they adored her.

All who knew Ruby and Elmer could certainly attest to the fact that “Opposites attract.” Elmer was unorganized and somewhat messy. In fact, I had the privilege of learning the art of teaching third graders from Ruby beginning in 1979 until her retirement. The only time I saw her upset with Elmer was one morning when Ruby, who was always early, arrived at school later than her usual time. She had cleaned off the top of his persistently messy desk the previous evening. Then just as she was preparing to depart for school, he began to say, “You cleaned up my desk, and now I can’t find anything!” He had waited until she was ready to walk out the door to look for an important document that he needed that day. Ruby didn’t malign Elmer in any way, but I knew she was annoyed!

Ruby was smitten by his brilliant mind. His ability to assess opportunities and calculate the risks led to Elmer being a stellar businessman. Ruby trusted him implicitly to make wise business decisions for their family.

Increasingly, Elmer leaned on Ruby’s quiet stability. She considered her words and their ramifications before she spoke.

Ruby was an attractive woman even into her latter years with gorgeous brown eyes. Many times, I saw her look quizzically or glance teasingly sideways at Elmer.

I still chuckle to hear Elmer’s voice call her when he was ready to go. He called her name with a noticeable accent on the final syllable and with a much higher pitch than the first syllable.

Elmer made providing for Ruby an important goal in his life. He wanted her to have a dependable, safe car – in actuality, he liked for her to have a statement car that accentuated her understated sophistication.  A spacious, comfortable home for her became an aim for him. I will never forget how excited Ruby was when he bought a grand piano for her. She daily played the piano upon arriving home from school as a way to unwind from all the stresses of the teaching day.

Living together as husband and wife for over 60 years doesn’t just happen. After Elmer and Ruby made that matrimonial commitment to each other, they later chose to commit their lives to Jesus. I think they’d say that decision impacted their individual lives and their relationship with each other more than anything else.

Elmer and Ruby at the wedding of their daughter, Vickie to Tom
            Cabell at the Ralston Baptist Church in the early 1970s.

After Elmer suffered a debilitating fall, Ruby insisted on caring for him, even though it possibly jeopardized her own health. She had made that promise, “for better, for worse, in sickness or in health” and she was determined to keep it, even over the worried protest of those who loved her best.

For those of us who admired and loved Ruby and Elmer, these endearing memories of two opposites who dearly loved each other serve as a precious reminder of loving, sacrificial dedication. What a shining example of commitment for those of us living in the 21^st century!

My father, Edmund Gates, Jr. with Ruby and Elmer Rice posing with the
  highly respected teacher and coach, Grover Bradley at the Burbank High
   School Reunion in Burbank, Oklahoma, on June 27, 1993. Elmer, Ruby,
     and Dad graduated from Burbank High School in the late 1930s.