They Really Weren't Related

My mother's cousin, Arthur Calvin Smith, would have been 107 years old on his birthday on December 29th. When she discovered the almost-50-year-old letter recently,  I felt compelled to write this week's blog post.

My dad, Edmund Gates, Jr., always claimed “kin” to Bob Hopper. Dad waved at him each morning and evening as Bob drove by the farm picking up and delivering the Bend bus riders. Dad bought a lot of cattle feed from him, too.

I knew Calvin Callcayah Smith, my maternal grandfather, and Ruben Hopper, the father of Bob Hopper, had moved to Osage County from Hickory Grove in Delaware County in Eastern Oklahoma in the 1920s. Even though Grandpa was older than Mr. Hopper, I knew they were life-long friends. Yet my mother, Bernyce Gates, always disagreed with Dad’s statement about her familial relationship with the Hopper family.

My inquisitive nature as a kid began to delve into this incongruity in my parents’ assessment of who were relatives and who were not. Usually, my parents agreed on most things. However, since I knew my mother valued accuracy in what she said and did, I inquired about why Dad stated she and the Hoppers were related.

In her matter-a-fact tone, she downplayed Dad’s insistence on kinship. She reluctantly began what appeared an arduous explanation. Mother never valued repeating family history as frequently as Dad did.

John Datus and Martha Jones Smith from their 
granddaughter, Rayma Smith Redden's collection.
Interesting fact: Both J.D. and Martha were original 
Cherokee allottees on the Dawes Roll of 1907. 

Arthur Calvin  and Margorie Smith - from the 

  collection of Elizabeth Purcell Hammer, my
mother's cousin.

She said her father’s oldest brother, John Datus Smith, nine years older than my grandpa, married Martha Jones. Martha was the older sister (by 15 years) of Velma Jones Hopper. Mother was correct. She was not related to Bob Hopper and his siblings, but they shared the same first cousins, Arthur, Margie, and Colleen Smith.

There is a second way Mother shared relatives with Ruben and Velma Jones Hopper and their children. Mrs. Hopper’s uncle, Joe Jones, the brother of her father, married my grandpa’s sister, Susie Smith. Dad never mentioned this, but based on this Jones-Smith family connection, Mrs. Velma Hopper and my mother shared three cousins, too!

           This past month, Mother discovered a letter from Arthur Smith to my grandparents almost 50 years ago. At the age of three, I recall the only time I met Arthur - the day of his father’s funeral. As with all the Smith relatives, he had a nickname, Ott.

Many times, I heard Grandpa pray for Ott. My grandma had a reputation for being a “radical” Christian or a “fanatic” in her beliefs. As a preschooler, I learned those words as they were associated with Grandma’s strong commitment. Yet Ott’s letter addressed to both my grandparents seemed to be directed more to Grandpa.

The three-page letter indicated Arthur was battling illness. He chronicled briefly his quest for peace with the Lord, his yielding of his will to the Lord and his ultimate conversion. Even though, the letter was written almost a half century ago, it came alive as I read it for the first time. This quote jumped out at me.

Transcription of quote: Uncle Calvin I just want to be one of the
 humblest for Jesus and serve him the rest of my life. I ask him
every night to forgive me for any wrongs that I might of thought
 or said during that day and to help me through the next day. 

          Each of us can make a difference in lives of our loved ones and friends for eternity as we point them to Jesus. What surprise to see the signature was Arthur Calvin Smith! Grandpa had no son or grandson. I never knew he had a nephew named for him. But as I concluded the letter, I recalled verses written by the Apostle Paul to his spiritual protégé, Timothy. In the first letter Paul wrote to Timothy, he addressed it “To Timothy, a true son in the faith.” As I thought about Grandpa’s relationship with Arthur Calvin, this verse encapsulated Grandpa’s prayer for his nephew.

You, therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 
2 Timothy 2:9

May our strength in 2019 be in the grace of Christ Jesus. A simplistic definition of grace is “getting something we are undeserving to receive.” This is an easy-to-recall acrostic for understanding grace.

God’s
Riches
At
Christ’s
Expense

When we realize what God has done for us in His mercy (not getting the consequences we deserve as sinners) by showing us His grace, our only response must be showing grace over and over each day. Showing kindness in the middle of chaos, offering forgiveness in your heart without receiving an apology, responding with patience in adversity,  retaining a pleasant attitude when surrounded by critics and choosing to react in each situation as God's Spirit instructs us. 

The Nightmare After Christmas Shopping

LAST MINUTE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING IN 1956

1956 had been a life-altering year for my mother. She had an uneventful pregnancy but a challenging delivery in early June when I was born. She and I were hospitalized for 10 days. 

When Christmas rolled around, her strength had not returned. The endless diapers to launder – disposable ones were not widely marketed in the mid-50s. I deducted that I slept fitfully making rest difficult for my mother. (When my younger sister was born and slept through the night, my parents breathed a prayer of relief.) To top everything, I battled asthma as a baby. Quick trips to the doctor were required to stabilize my breathing.

Mother liked to be “in the mood” to Christmas shop. Her perfectionism led to procrastination. Not feeling as strong as she had a year ago also contributed to the last-minute shopping excursion.

From my earliest memories, farm responsibilities, specifically poultry chores, took precedence over all else. Many times, Angie and I had to help get chickens – 200-500 hens with a sprinkling of roosters – into the chicken house if we were leaving and not returning until after darkness would fall.

The plan for the Christmas shopping trip to Ponca City targeted being home before dark. Of course, all December days are short on daylight. Grandma Gladys Rainey Smith was willing to keep me in the car while Mother shopped. The premier shopping occurred on Grand Avenue in downtown Ponca City in the mid-1950s.

Cuzalina’s Drug Store’s employees were promoting instant developing cameras that evening. They photographed each willing customer and promptly gave them the print that developed on the spot. Anytime Mother looked at the photo below she lamented the awful scene they found upon arriving at the farm that fateful night. (Another Christmas blog that involved Cuzalina’s Drug can be accessed at: https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2016/12/some-extravagant-gifts-of-1940s-at.html )

Edmund Gates, Jr., Bernyce Smith Gates, and Calvin Callcayah Smith 
Mother noted wearing hair rolled or in pin curls in public  was not a taboo then.

            Trying to cram all Christmas shopping into one day resulted in arriving home after dark. My grandpa, Calvin Callcayah Smith, alighted from the car and walked briskly to shut up the chickens in the chicken house to the west of the house on the Jefferson place leased by my family.

As he neared the chicken house, he smelled the strong odor of a skunk. Upon entering the henhouse, to Grandpa’s horror, decapitated chickens lay around with the destructive predator still killing. (My mother always seeks to be accurate in her recollections. She does not recall whether Grandpa or Dad took out the perpetrator. With laser precision, she can unequivocally state NO leniency was extended to the killer skunk.)

My grandmother, Gladys Rainey Smith, assessed quickly that some badly injured hens could be salvaged and slaughtered for food and lessen the economic damage. Dressing or plucking feathers and processing the hens required the tired shoppers work into the wee hours of the morning to recoup some gain from a great loss.

What a blow to a family poultry operation! My parents and grandparents depended on the laying hen operation to buy the groceries throughout the year. As laughable as it appears now, the egg money was kept in a recycled cigar box from somewhere. (Angie as a preschooler loved to count money. The egg money box was off-limits. To ensure she stayed out of the box a realistic-looking plastic spider was strategically placed on top of the egg money. Angie’s dislike of arachnids kept her out of the egg money box.) Who knows where that cigar box originated since, during my lifetime, no one in the family used tobacco in any form? Nevertheless, the family recovered from the chicken killing perpetrated by the skunk and celebrated Christmas.

Almost every Christmas, some family experiences loss, injury, death or devastation, much worse than my parents and grandparents had in 1956. Yet Christmas observance is not about a season of perfection.

When we reflect on the first Christmas, a manger was not Mary’s first choice for her precious Baby’s crib. She remembered vividly Gabriel’s words Son of the Most High. A manger with dried animal slobbers seemed all wrong for a baby of divine distinction.

There may have been a feeling of measured panic as Joseph sought a suitable spot for the birth of the Son of God. He knew Isaiah prophesied of the coming of  Emmanuel – God With Us. Gabriel had told him explicitly in a dream that this baby was He who would save His people from their sins.
The overreaching government of Rome invaded lives in Galilee where Joseph and Mary lived. The powerful iron fist of Rome demanded the couple travel to Bethlehem in Judea for a census. A forceful military presence and Roman tax collectors occupying the region would be sure taxes were not evaded. The leader of their region could be described as a paranoid politician determined to retain his power no matter the cost in human life. Surely this was not the right timing or place for the tiny Son of God to enter the world. (To access another blog written about Herod the Great, the ruler at the time of the birth of Jesus, click on: https://bernadeanjgates.blogspot.com/2017/01/on-path-of-humility-for-success-in-new.html)
Oh no, this was God’s plan down to the last detail. He specialized and still does in the unlikely, the impossible, and the unthinkable. For this cause, many people miss God at work in their day-to-day chaos. Often, what they see or experience doesn’t fit their plans or their wishes. But God reminds us His ways are higher than our ways.
Lord Jesus, may we see Your peace in our chaos, Your joy in our disappointments, Your salvation in our sinful state, and Your presence in our loneliness. Emmanuel, God with Us, grant our prayer this Christmas.

An Airman's Christmas in England in 1943

Airmen from the 482nd Bomb Group, 813th
 Squadron.  Standing - Harold Armstrong, Tom
Kon (KIA), Edmund Gates, Jr.
Kneeling - Edward Frierserger (KIA)
and William H. Wescott (POW)

             Seventy-five years ago, my father, a Tech Sergeant serving as an upper turret gunner and flight engineer on a B-17 flying Fortress, flew combat missions on a B-17 Flying Fortress crew. Each of his missions originated in England. During 1943, the 482nd bomb group, the only bomb group activated outside the United States, was formed specifically to designate crews trained to use Pathfinder, the latest technology to bomb through the overcast. As a Pathfinder crew, Dad's crew always led the squadron during his final seven missions.

Christmas Card to Dad from Mother

           The following excerpts from the chapter entitled 1943 from Dad’s World War II memoirs, Okie Over Europe, provide insight to a Christmas celebration on the Alconbury Air Base located in the shire of Cambridge, 67 miles from London. This marked the third Christmas in succession Dad had spent away from his family in the Big Bend. The primary sources for his memoirs were Dad’s memories and Dad’s v-mails written to my mother, Bernyce Smith Gates, a 19-year-old Bender, and preserved by her. All of his v-mails were censored before being sent to my mother so nothing about his missions was ever mentioned.

Postcard from Lt. Marion Roberts, Dad's

 brother-in-law, serving in the Pacific Theater

Gift from Home

Edmund wrote in his v-mail to Bernyce of December 19, 1943, of receiving a two-pound box of pecans. He told her the other boys on the crew had already eaten them. He wrote, “Nuts are very scarce in England.” Incidentally, pecans are indigenous only to certain parts of the United States. Edmund had received a “swell” Christmas greeting from the Belford Sunday School where Bernyce and her family attended weekly.

A Gift from the Belford Sunday School

A small Pictorial Gospel of John was another piece of memorabilia in Edmund’s tattered, old World War II keepsake box. The Belford Sunday School had sent this to him. Bernyce’s mother had written the inscription to Edmund inside the front cover of this little missal. All young servicemen from the Big Bend community had been mailed one of these miniature booklets of scripture. This small gesture shown by a loving, but tiny congregation exemplified the level of support ordinary citizens gave to all servicemen deployed. More importantly, all over the nation, congregations were fervently praying for the safety of the troops and the preservation of freedom and liberty for the country.

Planning for Christmas

On December 22, 1943, when writing his v-mail to Bernyce, he described the night as “quiet” because his crew was sitting around reading, writing, and listening to the radio. They had just gotten back from being in London on a three-day pass. His comment to her was: “We don’t get three days very often.” He also told her that they were hosting a party for the war orphans. The ages of the children were from five to nine years of age. He said they were going to each escort one child. He also gleefully related that he and the other soldiers had lots of candy and gum saved up for the children. He said they “sure will enjoy it.”

 December 25, 1943

Most of the children were evacuees from London. Christmas of 1943 was a time for Edmund to make others happy. The entire squadron “adopted” English children for the day. He celebrated with two little English girls who had been displaced due to the blitzkrieg. Edmund visited with them and then watched them open gifts that brought so much delight to the three of them. Nothing like the analogous difficulty of displacement from the comfort and security of their loving homes and families could provide such common ground for these three souls to bask in a few moments of happiness during that holiday celebration.

Writing My Mother about His Christmas Day

Edmund penned a v-mail the day after Christmas to Bernyce describing his Christmas dinner as “swell.” They had turkey, cranberries, and everything to go with it. Ice cream was a treat for dessert. In the afternoon, they had a party for the children from nearby towns, approximately two hundred in all. The holiday events consisted of a “kiddie” show and a trip out “on the airdrome” to see a bomber. He told her they also had given out toys, gifts, and all the ice cream and candy the children could eat. Edmund reported that the children had the time of their lives. Edmund and the two little nine-year-old girls he entertained shared one afternoon that transcended the horrors of war and the painful separations that it dictated, enabling them to revel in the joy that so intrinsically defines Christmas the world over.

Afterthought  - As I researched this blog post, I stumbled onto the photograph to the left on the site,  http://www.482nd.org/history . The photograph was taken of the midnight mass at Alconbury Air Base in England in 1943.
My father was not a Christian when he flew the combat missions in Europe. He indicated when talking of his military experiences that he went in "with the Catholic boys" before his missions.

Throughout my life, I heard Dad often say, "A person needs to know Jesus." After returning to the States his relationship with the Lord began when he received Jesus - much as so many of us will receive joyfully a precious gift from a loved one this Christmas season. Dad nurtured the relationship on a daily basis. He talked or prayed to the Lord with simple, but trusting statements like this in his prayers- Lord, We know You control the weather. 
May each of us celebrate the birth of Christ this Christmas season but continue to foster daily our relationship with Him, filled with trust, all throughout the year.

A Strong Foundation of the Bend

A 46-Year-Old Get-Well Card

                Mother treasures cards, letters, and notes. She views them as extensions of the writer or sender. This week she discovered a get-well card dating back to December 10, 1972, addressed to my grandmother, Gladys Rainey Smith.

                Upon seeing the signatures, remembrances flooded my memory. The sender was not an individual or a family but the Big Bend Women’s Bible Study. I realized only one of the card signers still lives in the Bend – Ruth Ann Hightower.

                Only Ruth Ann still lives in the Bend. Those who have moved retain ties to the Bend. Most of the women who signed the card to cheer Grandma but are deceased have progeny with ties to the Bend or their descendants are 21^st century Bend residents.

                The cherished friend of my paternal grandma, Mamie Tripp Gates, was Fern Anson. Grandma and Fern visited on the phone every day. Usually on Friday, Fern picked up Grandma for a trip into town for buying groceries, going to the doctor, paying bills, or anything else that needed to be done. They ended the trip with a burger for lunch. Her son, Travis, and his wife, Barbara, live on the Anson home place.

                Lucille Rice Goad and Ann Christenson Goad, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, both have descendants living in the Bend. Ann’s two sons, Carl and Greg Goad have raised their families in the peninsula of the Arkansas River, known as the Bend. We worship each week with as many as a dozen of Lucille’s descendants. Soon fifteen from this family will be calling the Bend their home.

                Julia Myers came to the Bend in the 1920s as a school marm, married Harve Myers, and raised a houseful of children. She loved to study her Bible. Many of her descendants embrace her strong faith, making her faith their own, and serve as pastors, Bible teachers, and musicians in their churches. Her daughter-in-law, Pat Chance Myers, attends church with Mother and me each week.

                Mildred Holman Brock moved to the Bend in the 1970s. Her son, Lou continues to keep touch with Benders and serves as organist playing the historic organ at the Osage Baptist Church in Fairfax, Oklahoma.

                Karen Gardner Myers moved to the Bend as a newlywed. She and her grandmother-in-law, Julia Myers shared a love of the study of God’s Word. Karen continues her service in God’s kingdom at the Burbank Baptist Church with her music and teaching.

                Carol Welker Evatt settled in the Bend when newly married. Her five children were impacted by her faith. Her older son, Ward and his wife, Gretchen have moved back to the Bend. Every time I see Carol in Ponca City, where she now lives, we end up sharing precious memories from the Bend.

                Vera Goad and her husband retired to the Bend. As a seeker, she began studying with the ladies on a weekly basis primarily for getting to know women in the community. Her attendance was fueled by how comfortable the others made her feel. As a result of her study, she saw Jesus as the only way of salvation from her sins. She became assured of her home in heaven because of her trust in Him.

                Ruth Ann Hightower, the only Big Bend Bible study member who still lives in the Bend, serves the Lord as one of its older residents. One of the more memorable times this year was this summer. Ruth Ann pulled up to Vacation Bible School with about a half-dozen of her great grandkids several evenings! Her faith in the Lord still propels and provides strength for daily living.

Ruth Ann Hightower and Debbie Ballinger, her
daughter, at my parents' 60th wedding anniversary
photograph by Catherine Marie Photography

                Biblical principles lived out daily and the thoughtful treatment of neighbors remain strong in the Bend. In many homes, the truths of God’s Word and study of the Bible endure as the foundation. The continuance of this philosophy of life guarantees the area in the extreme southwestern part of Osage County will remain a sought-after place to live, raise a family, and build long-lasting friendships.

In the Old Testament as the Lord led the Israeli people in developing a thriving community, He gave guidelines for successful living, repeatedly saying, “I am the Lord” clearly saying as your Creator I know what is best for you. If His one command printed below would be enacted in all communities of our nation, the fear, the uncertainty, the grief and heartache prevalent in so many parts of our country would immediately lessen.

Do not take revenge or bear a grudge against members of your community but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

Leviticus 19:18

The Big Bend Women’s Bible Study knew how to keep their community a desirable place to live. We pray daily for the community to retain the standard of the Big Bend Women’s Bible Study of yesteryear.

The Warmth of Nearness

The Power of Two (or More)

                Wild Tabby could have been characterized as a kitten manufacturing machine. She was a cat that just appeared here at the farm. After living here for about five years, she disappeared. To my horror, she left us with two little kittens. Unfortunately, none of our mother cats expressed compassion to care for those orphan kittens. Surprisingly, the two tiny ones wormed their way in to eat with the older kittens and cats. Like their mother, the skittish kittens resisted being held but would tolerate being petted gently while eating.

                As autumn brought a chill to the mornings and evenings, a sight warmed my heart on several occasions. The first time I viewed this, I was returning from checking the cattle. To my delight, the tiny tabby kitten was cuddled close to one of the older cats. Its head was resting on the neck of the older feline. Finally, I decided to chronicle compassion and togetherness in the cat kingdom when I saw three older cats keeping the littlest kitten living on the farm warm. 

Older cats warmed the little
orphan kitten by "sandwiching" it 
between the two of them.

                Often, we are reminded in the scripture to observe animals and their behavior. As I snapped these photos of the cats, I thought of Solomon’s passage in Ecclesiastes about the importance of comradery, encouragement, and helping one another. The King of Israel who ruled during the Golden Age pitied anyone who was alone in difficulty or even in work. Then the verse from the passage in Ecclesiates came to mind when I glimpsed the orphan kitten resting cozily between two of our older cats. Ecclesiastes 4:11 reads Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? King Solomon concluded with this phrase, …a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

                In sincerity, may we eagerly support the weak, befriend those alone, lift up the fallen, and come to the aid of the defenseless. As we enter the cold season, in a tangible way we can provide warmth to the one in need of  home heating fuel. 

               Shivering bodies and red, chapped hands should be cocooned in warmth provided by coats and gloves. James 2:15-16 says If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of food, and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," and you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit?

              A word of encouragement can warm a heart. A scripture passage shines the glowing light of the awareness of the never-changing Father of lights into a heart frozen by incessant rejection and hurt. The epitome of successfully comforting, encouraging, and extending warmth shows in the restful peace visible in the countenance of the one so alone and so in need.

What a picture of peace on the face of the little orphan kitten as it rested between
Oreo Cookie Cat and Scaredy Cat!